Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Hi I'm Cari. I am:

Passionate, caring, loving, overly sensitive, a lover of art, music, and nature, analytical, honest to a fault, impulsive, one who likes to have fun, laugh and be spontaneous, seek peace, long for simplicity because I am complicated, confused much of the time, a sucker for deep conversations, hidden meanings in books/movies/songs, quirky things/people/ideas, sometimes deeply insecure, sometimes so full of life and joy I feel like my heart will burst, sometimes a mess and don't always deal with pain in healthy ways, still trying to figure out the world and my place in it, a full-time student hoping to go into nursing, not the life of the party but a good one-on-one conversationalist, one who loves learning about the things that makes others and their cultures unique (e.g. Languages, traditions, beliefs, art/music, religions), a coffee addict. :)

I love people one on one - individually - and will make anyone my friend who is willing to be mine.

I love dogs because they are the most loyal, loving, innocent, beautiful creatures I have ever met.

I want to help people who are suffering and would give all that I can to help them through it.

I wish the world was a better place, but when it isn't try to point out to others the good that does exist.

I am who I am. What you see is what you get. I am transparent for better or worse.

I am not perfect, and don't profess to be. I am human but I strive to be fair, open-minded, and treat all with respect. I may let you down but I will do my best to be genuine in all circumstances and will never intentionally cause you pain.

I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and struggle with mostly obsessive/intrusive thoughts but also have some compulsions. Although I have this - I do not want it to be my identity. I want to do my best not to let it overtake my life. And I want to help others do the same. That is why I am here...to give and receive help. To help others as I have been helped. We must be there for each other. I will do my best to do so.

10/08/07

The above was written when I felt better about myself. These days I don't know who I am. Depressed and feeling alone much of the time. I thought the grass was greener on the other side...now I'm here and I miss the old pastures...all I wanted was a man I thought to love me and be loved by. Now I have him and not much else...now I miss the rest I used to have. Silly isn't it. I guess I want it all...is that the pitiful plight of man? That we are never happy where we are? Never grateful for what we have in front of us? Always wanting more...So now I have my man but I left my friends, my family, my home for him and I still find myself unhappy. Updated 11/09/08


William Shakespeare - To be, or not to be (from Hamlet 3/1)

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.


"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."
Thomas Jefferson, to Archibald Stuart, 1791
3rd president of US (1743 - 1826)

"The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive."
Thomas Jefferson



Good advice from a dear "Skwerl":

"Part of overcoming ocd is learning to get comfortable with a degree of uncertainty. People with ocd tend to want to deal in absolutes, we want to be assured that we will be safe, so we obsess and do our rituals. But there are no guarantees in life, everything we do has some amount of risk associated with it, and we have to train our brains to deal with that fact. If you wait to be 100% sure of a decision, you will never make one. Listen to your heart, not your ocd!"

SUMMER! The sun, warmth, being outside! MUSIC, when writing - finding the perfect word or analogy to express something, Scrabble (yeah I know, I'm a nerd!), spending time with friends, coffee, Mexican food, frozen margaritas with salt on the rim, steak, chocolate cake, thunderstorms, turtles, dogs, trying out new beers, baseball (Go Cubs!), driving on empty roads, swimming at night under the stars, Stony Brook park in New York, days when you're happy & so grateful to be alive, being productive, Thanksgiving, simplicity, sleeping in! :)

Dealing with OCD, having to have everything perfect and not having enough time to do everything that needs (in my mind) to be done. My paranoia, always worrying what others think of me, tailgaters and impatient people. Big government. Mornings. Litter. Trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong. Dirt underneath fingernails/long toenails - YUCK! Going into debt. Math. Winter! Green beans. Cockroaches! Wet willies! Making mistakes & hurting others, Loss of relationships/love in life. That the grass always seems greener on the other side...

In no particular order, Dave Matthews Band, Pink Floyd, The White Stripes, Counting Crows, Lynyrd Skynyrd, OAR, Bob Marley, Wilco, Uncle Tupelo, Jayhawks, John Mayer, Pete Yorn, Cold Play, Jack Johnson, Dido, Norah Jones, Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, The Who, The Doors, Janis Joplin, Fleetwood Mac, Joss Stone, The Beatles, Tom Petty, Jimi Hendrix, Tool, Backyard Tire Fire, Yonder Mountain String Band, Arctic Monkeys...quite a variety really and too much to keep listing! ;)

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - all time favorite, Harry Potter, A Light in the Attic & Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. Just read Animal Farm, found it a good book but quite depressing. Planning to find/read more classics since this was lacking in my education.

Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind, The Island, The Boondock Saints, The Game (w/Michael Douglas), Garden State, Lost in Translation, Minority Report, X-Men movies, Moulin Rouge, 13 going on 30, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Princess Bride, The Neverending Story...favorite types are fantasy, sci-fiction, or movies that are odd/unique/make you think. Also sometimes enjoy musicals, commedies, dramas and yes, the occasional "chick flick" romantic commedy.

Cooking, listening to music/going to concerts, playing darts, swimming/sunbathing, bike riding, camping, fishing, hiking

Poets!	Film Lovers