Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

I have ocd, social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 21. I've been trying to control it ever since. I have my wins and loses. OCD has affected me in these negative ways. unwanted thoughts -obsessive hoarding -obsessive organizing -obsessive cleaning -severe fear of germs -obsessive double checking My fear of germs was severe, but it did ease up without medication. I worked hard at overcoming my severe fear of germs, and I am able to open doors again, and I can also turn on the hot or cold water faucets again. My fear of germs was so severe, probably as severe as it could get. I used to use, about 4 bars of a soap a week, for showers, and washing my hands. To open doors, I would use a clean shirt or paper towel, then immediately put the shirt back into the laundry or I would throw the paper towel away. handwashing, became, on average, I'd say, I'd wash my hands, anywhere from 50 to 100 times a day. Hand washing, lasted for, anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. Washing under my finger nails was a real big deal to me. Sometimes, while washing my hands, I would loose sense of how hot the water was, and I would get used to the water temperature, so if I had to wash my hands from anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes, my hands would be quite red afterwards. I also felt like I was a walking germ, whenever someone or I would bump into eachother, I would say "I hope I didn't get you dirty". Which made me feel bad too, because just having to ask that question. I went through the whole feeling of being contaminated. If I felt my hands were dirty, and let's say I picked up a book, in my eyes, that book was then contaminated with germs too. Finally with my severe fear of germs easing up, really felt great. Much more relaxed I am now when it comes to not fearing germs as much as I used too. Of course, I still fear germs, every person does, it's when it gets severe, that's when it's awful. I'm not sure exactly how my fear of germs really eased up (without medication) it's something I want to talk to my doctor about the next time I see him. I guess, it may be, because I tested myself, to achieve goals. I didn't push myself, but I would occasionally test myself, to see if I could do it. Every day normal things, like opening doors, was difficult. It was almost like, I forgot too. When I started to try to open doors again, I would fail at first, but I kept confident and determined to keep on trying. I remember when I was younger, trying to ride a bike without training wheels, and of course, like many, I would have to keep trying, until I finally got it, and it became natural to me. I took that approach, kinda teaching myself, and telling myself, opening doors is normal, and I can do this. I basically trained myself, and kept myself motivated, to open doors again, and when I could, I then used that success, to then focus on turning on the hot or cold water faucets when I needed too. I had success in doing that also. I have recently found out about exposure therapy, and I realize now, that exposure therapy helped me overcome my contamination ocd. I still have some contamination fears. I don't feel like I'm a walking germ anymore. I do though, at times get unwanted thoughts. These unwanted thoughts make me feel like some things aren't clean (even though they are clean) the unwanted thoughts I get, try to make me believe that things aren't ok, and the anxiety hits hard, as it always does. I'm still trying to overcome this. At one point, I developed responsbility ocd. I believe, within the past 2 years I think it began developing when my contamination ocd was severe. At times, I can feel overly responsible for the safety and well being of others. My responsbility ocd does force me to perform certain rituals/habits to make sure things are ok, and to ease away the anxiety. *Update, 1/30/07) The past two months, I've been trying hard to control my responsibility ocd and I have been having some success. It has eased up some, but I'd like it to ease up more. When I'm experiencing some anxiety, I tell myself, it's just my ocd, and I try to focus on something else. Movies help me a lot, and comedy central helps me too. Sometimes the anxiety gets the best of me though, but I am trying hard to control my ocd. My social anxiety/shyness is what I want to overcome and currently I am trying, because I want to get out there in the world, and accomplish goals that I have. i am using exposure therapy. one day at a time is my approach. i've recieved a lot of great support on this site. Thank you.