Mood: Sad
Date: Aug. 18, 2011

It is 8:50 am. I have already changed a couple of poopy bums. There are cherrios all over my floor. I am exhausted, I haven’t had a good nights sleep in months. I am crying. Why? Because my 2 year old put his empty cherrio bowl over his brothers FACE in his bassinette, that is right beside me while I had my head down on the pillow on the couch. I obviously did not see him do this from the other side of the bassinette. I explained to him, for the thousandth time not to put anything in his brothers bed or on his face. A few minutes later he throws the bowl at me and then after that throws it into his brothers bassinette again. So then I have to yell to even get the point across at all to him. I have to drag him for a time out (for the first time ever, Dad does that sort of thing, Ive never felt I had to). And he cries. And I cry because I hate having to yell or use time out or any sort of force (had to “drag” I cant pick him up from my c-section recovery still – I am NOT a child abuser at all!). And I cry because overnight my son changed so much. He is 2. I know that. But he never acted this way, so defiant towards me before. I never had to lose my patience with him, well very rarely in the two years. Now he is completely wild. And I know it has a lot to do with the baby, and there is nothing I can do about it. Now as I type this he is climbing all over me trying to push buttons on my computer, and just laughs at me if I ask him to stop, even though Im talking to him/playing at the sametime. This is not a child who lacks attention, but that’s how is behaviour would seem. I have to do the dishes, my floor needs to be cleaned, I have to make breakfast. My laundry needs done, but I cant do it because I cant lift it to take it downstairs – hubby has to do that still, and Im hating having to ask him to, even though he will with fairly little complaining, but its just not getting done like it would if I could do it. The child is looking for more things to destroy. The baby is napping but Im sure he will be awake soon and looking to eat and….yep right on cue he just pooped, so now I need to wrap this up to change yet another poopy butt. And so it goes – all. day. long. -and hubby will come home, call me a miserable b**ch most nights and rant about the amount of soap Im going through or freakright out on me about a minor reassurance question...something along those lines and sit on his computer with his headset on. If he reads that hell say its extreme or not true, but that’s more or less it folks. I love my two baby boys more than anything, dont get me wrong by reading this blog, but this is really challenging right now. I know it will get better, well I hope it will. I just hate yelling, hate having to be mad at my little guy and I hate having to fear for the baby's safety all the time - headbutts, kicks, toys (and bowls apparently) thrown at him - and all from a brother who loves him, thankfully he doesnt dislike the baby, I couldnt even imagine then...