Hi
Everyone!',1)">
I
bet
you
all
thought
I
fell
right
off
the
Earth,
didn't
you?
Well,
it
hasn't
been
anything
like
that....nothing
that
exciting!
It's
been
a
week
since
I
last
posted,
and
in
fact,
I
intended
to
do
a
post
today,
but
have
not
gotten
to
it,
and
so
I
hang
up
this
little
note
for
you
all,
in
case
you
are
wondering
what
happened
to
Greg....
Strange
week,
progress
in
some
things,
backsliding
in
others,
generally,
"same
place"
as
when
you
last
heard
from
me,
it's
just
that
some
of
the
"puzzle
pieces"
have
been
"moved
around"
some!
Work
with
my
therapist
has
gone
off
on
a
sidetrack
for
the
moment,
so
I
am
not
getting
to
address
the
OCD
stuff
with
her
and
work
on
that,
so
I
am
just
shuffling
through
with
it
at
the
present.
Off
onto
other
behavioral
stuff
with
her,
and
she
thinks
it
is
MUCH
more
important
to
address
some
of
those
issues
even
before
the
OCD
stuff,
and
try
to
get
myself
"stable
in
my
place"
and
"stable
with
myself
vs
others"
before
dealing
with
the
collecting,
hoarding,
spending
hours
and
hours
"thinking
through"
and
"working
through"
things
that
really
are
backseat
stuff
to
what
I
really
need
to
do
for
myself,
now.
One
of
which,
is
to
get
my
place
picked
up,
cleaned
out,
everything
put
away
orderly
and
neat,
where
I
can
easily
find
things
to
use
when
I
want
them,
etc.,
and
to
start
cooking
regularly
and
eating
regularly,
eating
balanced
meals
again,
etc,
and
also
going
to
bed
regularly,
waking
up
regularly,
organizing
my
day
(even
if
I
have
to
use
an
hourly
appointment
book
to
do
so),
and
get
myself
back
on
track
again,
and
see
if
I
can
get
my
life
into
some
shape
that
means
something,
and
has
substance,
purpose,
and
usefulness
in
it
again.
My
God,
when
I
was
working,
I
worked
for
about
14
hours
a
day
every
day,
came
home,
cooked,
ate,
cleaned
up,
listened
to
music
or
watched
a
movie
or
tv,
or
read
every
night,
bathed
before
bed,
shaved
every
day,
all
that
good
stuff,
slept
enough,
and
got
up
and
went
to
work
the
next
day,
all
over
again,
day
in
and
day
out......
Eight
years
of
this
disability/social
security/not
working
stuff
has
made
me,
literally
"paralyzed
"
or
something
like
it...
"useless"
or
something....I
can't
keep
myself
cleaned
up
regularly,
nor
my
place,
nor
can
I
find
the
energy
or
will
within
myself
to
do
these
things....after
working
as
hard
as
I
did
all
my
life,
wouldn't
one
think
that
I
would
feel
so
"enlightened"
by
only
having
the
burdon
of
taking
care
of
my
immediate
space,
my
two
cats,
and
food
on
the
table,
etc.
God,
that's
not
even
1/12
of
what
I
used
to
do,
and
yet,
I
cannot
seem
to
"do
it".
So,
anyway,
I
must
cut
this
short
at
the
moment,
and
go
get
something
cooked
for
supper...I
have
not
eaten
since
breakfast
yesterday,
nor
have
I
taken
my
medications
(I
know,
bad
Greg)
and
vitamins,
etc.,
or
washed
for
3
days....have
not
shaved
for
weeks...I'm
a
mess,
but
still
can't
seem
to
"get
to
it".....
And,
of
course,
there
is
more
here
(there
always
is,
isn't
there?)
than
"meets
the
eye"....I
am
SO
very
lonely,
and
SO
want
someone
in
my
life
again...someone
to
share
myself
and
all
my
things
with,
do
things
together
with,
talk
to,
"educate"
each
other
to
each's
ways,
thoughts,
feelings....to
do
things
for,
to
"be"
with,
snuggle
with,
to
love!
I've
been
looking
for
an
awfully
long
time,
and
am
beginning
to
wonder
if
the
reason
I
can't
seem
to
find
someone
has
something
to
do
with
all
the
OCD
stuff,
or
other
complications
from
it,
or
whatever...I
don't
know....
All
I
know
is
I
will
be
61
soon,
and
I
just
don't
want
to
be
all
alone
anymore...what
is
the
point
of
all
I
have,
all
I
"do",
all
the
knowledge,
etc.,
that
I
have...with
nobody
to
share
it
with,
talk
and
converse
with....I
have
a
heart
bigger
than
Texas,
I
swear,
and
nobody
to
open
it
to,
and
give
to
from
it....how
damned
sad,
I
ask
you,
is
that?
I
basically
have
no
family
any
more...mom
passed
away
(that's
why
I
am
living
back
in
Maine
again...I
came
back
to
help
care
for
her,
and
I
have
not
"found
my
way"
out
of
here
again
yet),
and
my
only
brother
"cannot
associate
with
me"
because
I'm
a
F***ing
Queer
(and
worse
in
addition
has
come
from
his
lips),
his
wife
is
a
religious
bible-thumping
and
gospel
reciting
Wacko,
who
is,
actually
no
use
to
herself
or
anyone
else.
I
have
their
son,
my
only
"close"
relative
(who
loves
me
very
much,
btw,
and
my
lifestyle
does
not
bother
him
at
all,
nor
his
wife,
so
I
could
be
close
to
them...except,
my
brother
is
always
there,
so
it
makes
things
SO
uncomfortable
having
to
"fit"
in
between
everyone,
you
know?
Beyond
that,
I
have
one
cousin
about
3
hours
north
of
here,
who
I
cannot
get
to
see,
because
my
vehicle
is
old,
unreliable
for
a
long
distance,
and
I
cannot
afford
the
price
of
gas
and
tolls
for
such
a
trip,
either.
',1)">
So,
folks,
sounds
like
a
good
recipe
for
what...depression?
Is
there
something
else....going
on,
too,
along
with
it?
I
have
no
idea,
and
cannot,
at
the
moment,
fathom
my
way
out
of
a
paper
bag,
or
at
least
that
is
what
I
feel.
If
anyone
has
any
"great
ideas"
by
all
means,
please
get
in
touch.....you
guys,
I
feel,
might
be
as
much
support
in
many
ways
or
more
than
my
counselor(s).
So,
Bye
for
now,
everyone,
~Greg ',1)">
',1)">
