OFFLINE
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Cari
"'That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves.' - Thomas Jefferson"
My URL: http://www.ocdtribe.com/cari
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Damn mental illness
| Mood: | Sad |
| Date: | Nov. 25, 2007 |
| Music: | |
So
sad
right
now
(crying).
Just
got
off
the
phone
with
my
sister.
1st
call
all
day.
Been
lonely...got
into
a
fight
with
one
of
my
2
close
friends
yesterday
(and
the
other
one
is
involved
too)
since
she
was
there.
So
been
a
bit
depressed
and
logged
on
here.
I
was
feeling
better
because
I
was
reading
other
people's
blogs/forums
and
it
got
my
mind
off
myself.
Was
going
to
write
a
blog
about
how
therapeutic
this
site
can
be.
Then
she
called.
It
hurts.
It
hurts
so
bad.
I
love
her
so much
and
she's
always
been
so
messed
up.
Damn
mental
illness...runs
in
the
family.
Grandma
and
Dad
were
a
bit
messed
up...bad
genes
I
guess.
I
got
the
least
mild
form
of
it...sister
got
the
worst.
She
called
me
from
the
Psych
ward
of
the
hospital.
Not
the
first
time
she's
been
in
there.
She's
also
been
in
jail,
homeless...and
in
so
many
programs
through
the
years
it's
beyond
counting.
Nothing
ultimately
works.
And
she's
33
now.
Had
problems
since
she
was
born...never
ended.
My
parents
are
fed
up.
They
tried
to
be
sympathetic
and
help
her
for
years.
Now
when
I
think
about
it
I
wish
they
would
have
joined
some
support
group
so
they
knew
how
to
deal
with
her
better.
But
they
didn't.
They
probably
didn't
know
about,
or
have
access
to
anything
like
that.
They
did
their
best
to
help
her,
change
her,
etc
through
the
years.
But
now
they
are
so
totally
frustrated
and
exhausted
that
it
mostly
comes
out
in
anger
why
she
WON'T
stop
this
behavior.
And
I
cry.
I
understand
that
she
doesn't
mean
to
be
this
way.
She
can't
help
it.
Who
would
choose
to
live
their
life
that
way?
No
one
who
is
healthy
would.
And
my
heart
hurts
with
the
pain.
I
just
want
a
whole
sister.
I
don't
understand
why
she
has
such
pain
and
problems.
Luck
of
the
f@ckING
draw!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I
don't
know!
(Angry
now!)
Not
at
her,
at
the
pain,
the
injustice
of
it
all.
I
don't
know
if
injustice
is
the
right
word...it's
no
one's
fault,
it
just
SUCKS.
You
all
know
that
though,
right?
So
I
have
my
own
problems,
OCD,
depression?,
people
have
suggested
Bipolar,
but
haven't
been
diagnosed
with
that.
She
has
Anti-social
personality
Disorder,
and
possibly
Schizophrenia
(sp?)...she
says
she
hears
voices
telling
her
to
hurt
herself.
She's
a
cutter.
It's
so
sad
to
see
the
scars
on
her
arms...so
many
cut
marks.
AND
IT
PISSES
ME
OFF
WHEN
PEOPLE
ACT
LIKE
GOD
IS
THE
ANSWER
-
RELIGION
IS
THE
ANSWER.
I
tired
that...she
tries
that...maybe
it
works
for
some
I
don't
know.
But
stop
preaching
to
us.
Good
for
you
if
it
works
for
you
-
that's
wonderful.
It
makes
me
sick
sometimes...like
too
much
ice-cream
or
a
really
overly
sweet
dessert.
Sorry
to
be
rude...just
in a
bad
place
today.
I'm
sure
it'll
pass...things
will
get
better.
It
is
just
a
really
bad
day.
My
sister
and
I
started
crying
over
the
phone.
She
rarely
cries
but
when
she
does
it's
usually
with
me.
I
know
she
loves
me.
She
tries
to
act
like
the
"big
sister"
sometimes.
It's
very
cute
and
sweet
when
she
does
that.
But
everyone
knows
I've
always
had
to
be
the
big
sister
even
though
I
am
younger.
I
was
always
"put
in
charge"
growing
up
of
my
little
brother
and
her.
And
now
I
have
to
get
all
the
info
about
her
illness,
medications,
where
she
stays
when
she's
having
a
"crisis"
because
one
day
(not
too
many
years
away)
when
my
parents
are
elderly
and
no
longer
able
to
carry
that
role,
I
will
have
to
take
it
on.
I
will
have
to
care
for
her
and
my
aging
parents.
That
is
partially
why
I
NEED
to
get
myself
and
my
sh*t
together
now.
I
have
a
dad
and
stepmom
who
raised
me
who
I
will
have
to
partially
care
for,
then
my
biological
mother
who
re-entered
my
life
in
the
past
few
years
(perhaps
b/c
she
realizes
she
is
getting
older
and
will
need
help
someday),
and
my
sister
who
will
probably
always
be
mentally
ill
and
need
extra
care.
Anyway,
sorry
to
whine.
While
I
was
writing
this
a
guy
friend
in
my
life
returned
my
call
from
last
night.
He
listened
to
me
for
1/2
hour
and
I
feel
so
much
better.
I
just
needed
to
talk
to
someone
but
pride
kept
me
from
calling
anyone.
I
didn't
want
to
whine
to
anyone,
but
I
do
feel
so
much
better
now
that
it's
off
my
chest
and
he
listened.
He's
Sociology
major.
I
asked
him
why
it
seems
that
women
eventually
bear
the
burdens
of
the
family.
He
said
that
is
the
way
the
world
is
socialized...that
is
the
role
women
have.
He
said
he
doesn't
necessarily
think
that
it
is
right,
or
fair,
but
that
is
the
way
things
are.
Men
go
out
and
are
the
breadwinners
and
women
(who
are
naturally
more
nurturing/motherly)
care
for
the
families
other
needs.
Feeling
a
bit
better
now...done
crying
for
now
at
least
I
think.
I
am
still
so
so
so
sad
about
my
sister,
but
that
is
a
part
of
life
I
guess.
I
need
to
toughen
up,
get
my
sh*t
together,
and
deal
with
it.
I
wish
I
was
a
stronger
person.
I
have
always
said
that.
Oh
well...
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