This
past
semester
I
had
painting
at
9:10am.
Hard
enough
as
it
is
to
wake
up
at
9,
and
to
get
enough
sleep
at
the
same
time,
each
day,
as
the
stressed
grew
when
classes
got
to
the
more
difficult
projects
I
continually
took
longer
and
longer
getting
ready.
I'd
wake
up
an
hour
before
school,
which
is
about
a
half
hour
away,
get
to
schoool
a
half
hour
or
later
after
class
commenced,
unshowered
and
unfed.
This
is
one
the
few
places
I
think
the
time
that
up
and
vanished
could
be
understood...
I'd
be
late
and
get
more
stressed
out,
turn
the
car
around
and
do
more
...
rather
pointless
activities.
What
can
I
do?
There
are
things
that
If
i
don't
do
in
the
morning
the
rest
of
the
day
I
feel
so
uneasy
the
beauty
all
fades.
My
head
aches,
filled
with
the
pressure
of
a
thousand
thoughts,
and
seem
distracted
to
people
who
don't
understand;
they
think
me
absent
minded
when
really
there
is
more
going
on
in
my
mind
at
that
moment
than
I
could
explain
in
a
days
time...
There
are
the
few
friends
that
know
me,
but
sometimes,
I
can't
even
answer
the
phone,
can't
visit,
like
a
cigarette
the
closeness
we
shared
burns
away
to
nothing;
a
nasty
last
drag
and
a
grave
with
a
hundred
other
identicals..
Its
so
hard
to
tell
anyone
why
I
can't
see
them,
most
take
it
personal.
Then
I
go
out
once,
and
other
friends
see
me,
or
hear
about
it,
and
take
it
even
more
personal
because
I
can
hang
out
with
one
person
but
not
another.
If
i
go
out
twice
a
month
there
is
just
no
way
to
see
them
all.
I
usually
can't
even
call
them
first,
the
tension
builds
and
Ijust
want
to
turn
the
car
around.
Countless
times
I've
driven
out
to
see
someone,
no
call,
they
weren't
there,
so
I
buy
a
pack
and
sit
in
the
car,
or
at
the
park,
and
wait
to
be
called.
Then
turn
around
and
go
back
home.
