well i am a 26 year old female i have one young foster brother who is 8 me and my little angel i find it very differcult to hug and kiss anyone at times i fear that either they could contaminate me or me contaminate them also i worry bout others being hurt by something i did or didnt doi was diagnosed with depression 5 years ago but diagnosed with ocd and anxiety about 3 years ago i remember even when i was at school from 14 i had to wash hands twice wouldnt use school toliets or change in front of others if we done art or potery i wouldnt eat anything with hands as i didnt feel i could get them clean enough i remember as a child of 7 or 8 i had a fairy tale book that went everywhere with me and i hoarded certin clothes that i would wear alot and freaked out when my mum throw them away my ocd is said to of started age 7 but now my ocd is germs and contamination related im a handwasher and a clean freak no one allowed to move remotes touch my phones move my personal things or touch my bed if someone sits on my futiture i cant sit on it without disinfecting it first everything gets clean either 2 or 4 times but hole flat has to be done in a set routine i have set day of the week of doing certain things my cleaning rituals do take up a fair bit of my time i have a set bathing routine i have to do this 2 or 4 times overbut i also have to touch objects and checking in set routines unlock and lock doors windows applainces which was 8 times but is now twice but then i go round tapping windows doors applicances in 2 sets of 6 i do this routine 4 times while pulling and pushing windows and doors i do this hole routine twice over morning and night i believe by not doing these things bad things can happen or that someone could break in and kill him during the night as i slept i arrange order and line up things all my books cds dvds computer games videos etc etc are in alphabetical order my remotes phones are in size order lined up my clothes are arranged in order of tops jumper trousers they are also in clouor order from light to dark everything has to match from items in rooms to clothes the hoover is my best freind along with all my dettol cleaning products limited food and drink verity which i call safe foods and drinks i have bad dreams like ive dreamt of a headless dog as a pet or flash bash backs of my past which im told is post traumatic disorder i dream of cleaning buses being stabbed i have physic dreams such as my nans dealth then not long after she did die family freinds dealth and other physic dreams intrusive thoughts of bad things happening to family but some of them i feel unable to verbalise them as i believe they will cum true but also of my hurting themi have mental rituals like saying in my head they calm my anxiety i see public transprt dirty and high contamination i wont sit on then i stand holding bar with sleeve over hands i wont touch door handles light switches etc etc with bear hands i have counting rituals while reading mainly i seem to turn evey aspect of my life into the ocd without knowing or wanting to i have issues with safety of myslef and my family i hoard things mainly just empty disinfectant bottles i just cant throw them away as i believe something bad will happen i also have a body image issues i cover up my mirror in the bathroom apart from a small square so i can check my face and hair before going out or seeing anyone i avoid mirrors reflections of any kind if i get glimse i have to check every reflection suffice and always hating what i see i cant go out unless i have a baseball cap on i think bout liposuction botox and hystecormy i believe what i see is real and everyone sees it i avoid talking to people i dont know even in shops im social phobic feel in group settings im unable to talk when im walking down the road i have to make sure i dont walk on the cracks in the street i used to slef medicate with alcohol but now seeking alcohol counselling in order to beat this demon i believe that those who inflict pain and unnatraul suffering on people will get the just derserves in the end thank you for reading this long long profile but if anyone would like to talk to me add me to friends or find out more please please feel free to send messages
LIKES
to feel needed wanted and respected likes to help where possible and want to be there for family that i care bout to keep them safe from the evil in the world
DISLIKES
cant stand controlling people be it male or female or aggragnate people who think they are better then others and people that look down their nose and judge people with mental health issues they dont understand i hate people that bang into my little brother possible contaminate him or hurt him without a simple sorry cant stand rude people with no manners
[This member only allows comments from his/her friends.]
Thanks.
I
have
studied
but
it
seems
like
everything
I
do
has
to
do
with
ocd
behavior.
You
just
hear
so
much
stuff
and
I
don't
know
what
to
believe.
I
mean
I
just
can't
believe
that
most
of
my
behaviors
aren't
normal.
It
is
a
hard
pill
to
swallow.
havent really got any now lost most intersest in life mainly just surfing the net, to research my illness and find ways of helping myslef but i do like to fix things and build flat packed furtifure type things as long as its not dirty and somewhere safe i can keep going to wash hands going out on my bike and other exercise, rest is really around complying to the ocd
