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Murcielago17
My URL: http://www.ocdtribe.com/murcielago17

JOB: N/A
SMOKE: Socially
DRINK: No
RELIGION: Prefer not disclose
ORIENTATION: Not Sure
DATING STATUS: Hurt
MEMBER SINCE: November 24, 2012
POINTS: [ 371 ]
GENDER: Male
LOCATION: N/A, United States
AGE: 36
VIEWS: 21
STAR SIGN: Virgo
LAST LOGIN: 07.02.13


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I have been struggling with HOCD since I broke up with my ex girlfriend 9 months ago... Then I developed a fear towards women called gynophobia and shortly after that HOCD (homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder), which the obsessive thought and fear that one has changed or may change one's sexual orientation. I didn't even believe this was a legit thing, if someone told me about it a year ago... I would have though the person is just a closet gay, but now that I am going through it I understand is very real and it is unbearable at times. I have always been open and acceptant of people who are gay and thought it is ok to be gay, but when I began to have thought about men as a product of the HOCD, I also began to not feel comfortable around gay men people because I fear I may feel attracted to them and it makes me very anxious and triggers panic attacks, which also makes me feel guilty because I have gay friends that I don't feel comfortable hanging out with anymore. I'm not homophobic, but I don't feel comfortable arround gay people anymore. SOmeone suggested that I should try a man, but that made things even worse, as I had naussea and overall had a weird panic attack. The thoughts are obsessive but no compulsion was developed, that's why they call HOCD a form of 'pure-O' OCD. My sense of self esteem and masculinity has also been severely damaged. All my friends keep telling that there is nothing to fear, I have been open about this situation to my family and they are all supportive and even tell me that it would be ok if I was gay as long as I was happy, but internally I don't feel good about it and I'm very rejectfull of the idea, although I don't find anything wrong with being gay. My therapist says that the diference between a person with HOCD and a gay in the closet is that the gay person welcomes the thought and likes it, but is afraid of other things like social or religious judgment, whereas the person with HOCD does not like the thought and is tormented by it. Seems to have roots on my mother's death when I was still so young; when a man loves a woman it is a projection of the mother love, so when I loose a woman I love, my unconscious mind re enacts the pain I suffered when she died, added to the heartbreak, which triggers a lot of negative irrational thinking and fears... I am still struggling with the HOCD but also with the gynophobia, when I see a girl on the street that I find attractive, it triggers such panic attacks and anxiety... I have been a bit isolated from people lately, but I want to start exposing myself more to social environments and see if I can get rid of this. I have been meditating and that helps a lot, as well as CBT therapy, but at times it is really hard to control the obsessive thinking. I have been avoiding taking medications, because I fear I'd become dependent on them. I have been taking herbal supplements like kava kava root, St.Johns worth, HTP-5, and Lavender tea. If someone has tips on how to help, they are most welcome. Just one day at the time, little by little...



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From: Chezzzz
September 17, 2013, 2:11 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D

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November 26, 2012, 4:55 pm




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