Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

I am 32 years old. I have been diagnosed with OCD and generalized anxiety disorder. it all started when i was 12 years old and I have had severe problems ever since. The good thing is that I have severe OCD but it seems to be managed through medication and therapy. I am actually highly functional and able to hold a job and get out of bed every day and go to work which is a plus with this disorder.

I have a 2 year old daughter and I am pregnant again (due in July 2010) Much of my OCD revolves around the health and well being of my daughter. I am so worried about her when she is not in my care.

My OCD changes through different times in my life. I am currently obsessed with stray animals hurting my daughter. Worst case she gets bit and dies of rabies. I am so worried about this I don't want my in-laws to watch my daughter b/c they feed a stray cat. I am also afraid myself to go to eat at their house in case the stray cat ate off a plate that they put in the sink with other dishes and it was contaminated with the virus. In this scenario i could infect my unborn baby with rabies. This is really disrupting my life and I know my in-laws think I am crazy.



OCD started when I was about 12. I went to a funeral for an old woman who was a friend of my mom's. I look in the casket and a thought went through my head that said "I hope she goes to hell" I was so upset at that but I didn't want to tell anyone. I just went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and told myself I didn't mean it that it was not me who said that. From that night on I had to do rituals to counter act that thought and all the others that were starting to enter my head. I never did rituals in front of anyone so I could hide it well. I waited until everyone was asleep or I was alone and would do 100 jumping jacks or something or jump rope 100 times until it felt right. If I missed a step I had to start over. It is very debilitating and I was up so late some nights I fell asleep in school the next day but my grades didn't suffer which was a blessing. I was also able to hide this so well from everyone. I am also highly functional. Even if a thought upsets me I can go about my day but do my ritauls later.


Other obsessions -

"Chemicals" - contamination from chemcial residue. If my husband uses a solvent in the garage I imagine it is on his hands and if he touches the kitchen cabinet or refrigerator or a food item I will wash the item or throw it away if I feel it is too contaminated. I like to clean the kitchen but if my husband does to help me out I throw out any food that is on the counter even if they are wrapped b/c the chemical could have soaked through the packaging and into the food.

"Rabies" - If my husband leaves any dishes or glasses outside over night I throw them out b/c a raccoon could have licked the item and I don't trust simply washing it - it must be pitched in case the raccoon has rabies. I have thrown out shoes, clothes, dishes, cups, glasses, my daughters toys b/c I think something has contaminated them. It is not good enough to simply wash them. They must be thrown out.

"Don't trust my eyes" - I have had so many instances where I am driving and I see people on the sidewalk and I hit a bump in the road and I think I have hit them. I will circle the block to see if there is anyone in the road. I will also watch the news to see if there is any news of a hit and run. I will check the front of my car for scrapes and blood. Another example is if i have some pills on the counter and my daughter comes in and I pick her up and get her a drink of juice. I will go back to counting pills after I put her down but I will afraid she has taken one. I know they are all there and I was watching her the whole time but I don't trust my eyes. Another example is when she ran in the bathroom to get one of her tub toys and I wasn't with her. I wasn't sure she didn't open the toilet lid and drink some water out. We have vanish drop ins in the toliet also. Even though she was not wet and I only left her for a second I have to call poison control to see what I should do in case she drank some. I explain first that I have OCD and I know this sounds strange but please tell me what would happen if she drank some of the water. usually I get someone very nice and they say since it is diluted it is no big deal and since she wasn't wet I am sure she didn't get into the toilet bowl, etc.

Every day it is something new and usually with my daughter...

Spending time with family, relaxing, riding bikes, running, drawing, decorating, shopping, reading, organizing