This
is
an
opportunity
for
me
to
bear
my
soul
in
a
safe
format
where
I
hope
I
will
not
be
judged.
I
am
around
other
people
with
Pure
O
in
this
community
and
I
assume
you
know
what
its
like
to
be
troubled
with
disturbing
thoughts.
My
specific
disturbing
thoughts
started
out
on
the
Religious
stuff
(believing
I
was
going
to
hell
etc.),
then
later
in
life
moved
toward
more
of
a
social
phobia.
I
thought
I
had
it
all
under
control
at
one
point
and
then
I
came
accross
the
Gay
OCD.
I'm
sure
most
of
you
know
about
it,
it
is
believing
you
are
homosexual
despite
all
evidence
to
the
contrary
having
a
girlfriend
and
being
attracted
to
the
opposite
sex
but
still
having
odd
thoughts
about
being
gay...
I
finally
came
to
terms
with
the
fact
that
I
had
these
odd
thought
or
thought
I
had
at
one
point.
Then,
the
worst
thing
that
I
have
never
been
able
to
get
off
my
chest
until
now
happened
about
2
years
ago.
I
was
sitting
alone
in
my
apartment
after
breaking
up
with
my
girlfriend
and
being
off
my
meds
for
a
few
weeks.
The
worst
freak
out
of
my
life.
I
was
using
the
restroom
(taking
a
#2)
and
I
thought
something
smelled
good...the
next
thought
to
enter
my
mind
was
that
I
had
to
eat
it
because
it
smelled
good.
This
was
disgusting
to
me
then
and
is
disgusting
to
me
now!!!
I
wish
I
could
come
to
grips
over
this
whole
thing
but
its
very
difficult
and
I
am
finally
in
a
place
in
my
life
where
I
am
really
moving
onto
the
next
chapter.
I
do
not
know
what
it
was
about
the
thought
that
bothered
me
soo...
much
but
it
did.
The
fact
that
I
found
something
smelling
interesting
in
my
bowel
movement
or
it
smelled
like
something
I
just
ate
should
not
have
been
so
disturbing
but
it
was.
I
do
not
know
if
it
was
because
I
was
under
so
much
stress
at
the
time
or
what
the
result
of
this
was.
However,
I
do
know
this
was
something
I
felt
like
a
"MONSTER"
for
and
that
I
was
no
longer
human
because
I
experienced
it.
It
was
the
worst
thing
that
has
happened
to
me
in
my
life
and
I
felt
like
I
was
losing
my
humanity,
I
am
not
even
exaggerating
on
this
point
at
all.
Anyways,
it
could
of
been
a
comblination
of
losing
my
girlfriend
and
getting
off
the
meds.
I
dont
know
what
it
was
but
it
still
haunts
me
to
this
day.
Back
in
the
time
when
I
was
going
to
counseling
they
suggested
I
get
on
a
website
and
use
that
anonymity
to
express
some
of
my
feelings.
I
figure
if
anybody
understands
it
would
be
you
fellow
OCD
sufferers.
Now,
I
occasionally
am
having
a
bowel
movement
and
notice
something
that
smells
nice
or
like
something
I
just
ate
and
it
still
creeps
me
out
but
I
am
able
to
flush
the
toilet
and
go
on
about
my
normal
life.
This
opportunity
to
get
this
off
my
chest
has
been
wonderful
and
I
am
not
sure
what
the
responses
will
be
like
because
it
is
kind
of
a
gross
subject.
I
read
an
article
somewhere
where
the
genes
that
control
smell
are
related
to
OCD
but
I
have
always
been
looking
for
a
reason
why
I
would
have
a
thought
like
that.
Anyways,
I
know
its
pointless
but
I
just
want
to
find
a
group
where
I
can
remain
anonymous
and
feel
some
sort
of
acceptance
for
myself.
I
hope
this
is
it
and
thankyou
for
your
time!
Thanks,
Cowboys1762
