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here...again
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By:
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consumed
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Mood:
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Tired
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Date:
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Apr 18, 2012
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Music:
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None
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Seems
this
is
my
last
resort
arena.
I
have
not
been
here
for
a
while,
and
I
only
come
because
I
do
not
want
to
burden
anyone
I
know
with
the
mental
struggles
in
my
life.
Some
of
my
friends
know,
really
know,
what
I
am
going
through.
They
understand
because
of
their
own
mental
struggle.
Because
of
this,
I
don't
feel
that
I
can
go
to
them.
My
other
friends
and
family
that
have
not
been
dealt
this
hand
care,
but
do
not
know
what
to
say,
and
sometimes,
it
is
not
what
they
say,
but
the
lack
of
conversation
is
what
I
need.
However,
I
am
back
here.
Ironic
though...
I
come
here
because
I
know
that
there
are
those
here
that
understand.
There
seems
to
be
little
judgement,
and
sometimes
a
word
of
encouragement,
but
even
here
my
friends
are
sparse.
This
is
my
own
doing.
I
have
spent
a
lot
of
energy
trying
to
not
be
in
this
crowd..
I
want
to
deny
this
is
me.
Today,
I
am
all
that
mess
and
more.
Today..
crying
for
no
reason..
utter
sadness
that
cannot
be
explained
away..
so
many
things
things
to
do
and
feeling
buried
under
the
responsibility
of
it.
I
am
immobilized
by
the
amount
of
what
needs
to
be
done
and
this
adds
to
my
lack
of
mobility.
I
just
want
to
feel
like
others
do.
I
even
went
to
my
garden
and
planted
some
things,
pulled
weeds
and
watered
a
little.
Being
out
there
jsut
added
to
my
mental
to
do
list.
Seeing
what
the
wind
has
brought
in..
I
need
to
be
more..
more
of
a
mom,
more
of
a
homemaker,
more
of
a
worker.
I
KNOW
what
needs
to
be
done!
Why
can
I
not
just
do
it?!
Someone
told
me
I
should
just
go
get
medicated.
I
believe
that
drugs
are
not
for
me.
I
feel
like
I
have
to
be
defensive...
more
tears
as
I
yell
at
mysyelf
to
get
a
grip.
Must
find
a
way..
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