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downward time
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By:
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ocd_sucks96
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Mood:
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Anxious
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Date:
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Feb 05, 2013
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Music:
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None
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Its
about
that
time
of
the
day
when
my
ocd
spikes
and
starts
torturing
me
more,
and
its
just
gonna
get
worse
as
it
gets
later.
I
really
have
no
motivation
to
do
anything,
and
quite
frankly
im
just
tired
and
frustrated.
Im
rather
calm
at
the
moment,
but
nothing
can
change
my
head
back
to
normal,
and
i
drag
on
throgh
another
day.
Honestly
if
i
didnt
tell
you,
and
we
hung
out,
you
would
assume
i
was
a
carefree
fun
person
to
be
around
most
of
the
time,
but
the
whole
time
i
suffer
interuptions
from
constant
anxiety,
worries,
and
compulsive
urges.
You
would
probably
see
me
do
a
few
weird
things
or
two
relating
to
ocd,
but
you
would
judge
my
personality
as
fun
loving
and
with
little
problems
or
worries.
I
dont
put
on
that
false
front
for
others,
no,
if
im
angry,
i
show
it,
same
with
any
other
emotion.
I
force
it
for
myself,
i
pretend
like
everythings
gonna
be
alright,
knowing
its
really
not.
There
are
times
when
i
truly
am
happy,
but
that
is
outweighed
by
the
anxiety
spiking
through
it.
I
really
am
suffering,
and
there
seems
to
be
no
way
out.
Ive
vowed
to
too
many
people
i
will
never
kill
myself,
so
i
wont,
but
Lord
help
me
there
is
no
way
out
at
all.
Im
wanting
to
quit,
just
give
up,
hell,
i
cant
even
get
myself
to
do
any
schoolwork
for
the
program
im
in,
just
makes
me
even
more
anxious
and
pissed
and
frustrated
to
try.
I
understand
the
homework,
im
reaally
smart,
no
trouble
comprehending
it,
but
the
stress
and
anxiety,
gaaah.
My
mom
nagged
at
me
today
saying
i
have
to
do
some
today,
but
why
waste
the
last
hour
or
two
i
have
left
right
now
of
being
a
little
less
anxious
doing
homework?
why
not
try
to
occupy
my
mind
and
hope
and
pray
for
the
best?
I'm
trying
to
change
my
attitude
towards
a
lot
of
things,
but
i
have
to
face
it,
im
not
good
at
sticking
to
anything
i
try
to
do,
even
small
things
at
times,
let
alone
these
life
issues
i
have.
The
saad
truth
is
that
maybe
i
can
face
it,
maybe
i
can
beat
my
ocd
and
other
issues,
but
its
very
likely
to
never
happen,
knowing
me,
and
since
all
odds
are
against
me.
This
is
how
i
get
whe
my
ocds
complete
hell,
but
not
super
hell,
i
only
usually
have
panic
attacks
and
cry
and
go
crazy
when
my
ocd
gets
super
super
super
bad,
i
guess
im
pretty
strong
in
that
aspect.
Now
i
just
get
annoyed
severely,
too
done
with
everything
to
even
get
depressed
most
of
the
time,
and
too
done
with
everything
to
get
pissed
most
of
the
time.
Im
like
a
walking
slave
that
has
accepted
the
reality
of
being
a
slave.
when
you
frst
become
the
slave,
you're
in
denial.
Then
you
fear
there
will
never
be
any
freedom,
but
still
have
hope
its
there.
eventually,
over
years,
your
rebellious
rage
and
anger
towards
it
die
down,
as
you
accept
the
fact
that
you're
stuck
in
this
situation,
i
beilieve
thats
whats
happening.
im
so
fricken
done
with
being
alive
right
now,
and
im
currently
in
a
very
snappy
mood,
like
if
you
someone
in
my
house
simply
talks
to
me,
i
may
bite
their
head
off.
I
honestly
have
no
idea
how
getting
out
of
this
is
even
slightly
possible.
i
literally
dont
remember
how
to
feel
certain
things,
as
i
accidently
slowly
trained
my
brain
to
feel
the
strongest
need
to
compulse
and/or
fear
simple
things.
Its
like
i
obsess
about
95%
of
the
thoughts
that
enter
my
head,
and
at
anything
that
happens
in
my
life,
i
mean
anything,
like
taking
a
step
off
the
couch
wrong,
looking
at
something
wrong,
any
little
thing.
I
feel
literaally
NO
comfort
almost
all
the
time,
and
it
scares
me,
but
the
thing
is,
im
being
strong
and
standing
up
to
the
fear
now,
and
part
of
me
wishes
i
wasnt.
I
kind
of
wish
i
would
just
cower
from
it,
give
in
to
all
obsessions
and
compulsions,
and
just
be
scared
all
the
time.
at
least
after
i
do
the
compulsions,
i
have
a
few
seconds
before
the
next
thought,
but
thre
is
relief.
But
on
the
same
not,
fighting
it
basically
is
about
the
same
thing,
so
i
guess
i
have
to.
I
hate
my
life
so
much.
I
tried
doing
the
grateful
thing,
and
i
am
thankful
for
things,
but
recognizing
that
doesnt
make
me
feel
better
or
help
at
all.
i
guess
im
slightly
ignorant
and
take
things
for
granted,
but
its
just
who
i
am,
i
cant
make
myself
get
motivated
by
things
that
dont
motivate
me,
and
nothing
motivates
me.
I
can
literally
shoot
down
any
reason
to
keep
going
you
give
me
with
one
thing
or
another
within
a
few
seconds
if
i
wanted
to,
but
i
try
to
ignore
those
thoughts,
and
just
keep
believing.
Im
sick
of
believing,
and
i
just
want
it
to
stop
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