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Danger to myself

By: Stacy
Mood: Sad
Date: Apr 12, 2007
Music: None


I have lost all control. I'm scared. If I'm alone for one minute I'll cut something. Just to see my blood pour out. My friend is going to stay over with me tonight. But I know it's not going to do any good. I'll still cut in the bathroom. Why am I doing this? I cant stop. It's an obsessive URGE to see my blood. I seen my psych and he took me off luvox too, and started me on depakote and a higher does of seroquel. I HATE SWITCHING MEDS AND NOT FINDING THE RIGHT ONE! He wants me to be in the hospital. I dont want to be there, it's scary and dirty and people will say i'm in a nut house or something! I hate being watched and that's what they'll do. It's either I bleed to death or they take me to the hospital against my will. which is the lesser evil. I cant stop no matter how much I try to distract myself. I dont want to die. I'm going to go to sleep. I feel so bad for worrying everybody. I wish I could say that I'm fine and there's nothing to worry about. I wish someone could tell ME that. But dont worry. I'll be fine.


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From: NightNGaleX3x
April 13, 2007, 2:52 pm
What you wish for you cannot have right now. You are not fine and there is something to worry about. You cannot deny those two things if you want to stay alive, become healthy and happy, and have other people not worry so much about you. Would you rather stay in this state than go to the hospital, deal with someone always watching you and you thinking that you are a "nut house" but possibly coming out of the hospital much better than you were? They aren't going to think you are crazy, love. There are going to be other people there far worse than you. You need to think past what others are possibly or are thinking and just concern yourself with your own thoughts. It really does not matter what other people think; they are not always with you. Only you are always with you. You are the one who must face your thoughts when you sleep at night and you are the one who will be left to deal with yourself through out life and when your life ends. They will not feel your hurt or know your thoughts and anxieties and so their own thoughts towards you do not matter. You must be who you are because you cannot deny yourself. And if going to the hospital will help you recognize and accept what is wrong with you and what must be done to help you, then you must go. You cannot keep going down the path you are on or else you will end up having not lived your life. Help yourself. Try to be confident about who you who want to be and how you can be her. The first step to being 'Stacy who is living her life and loves it' is recognizing and accepting what is wrong and then going for what is needed to make it and you better.

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From: Aingeal
April 13, 2007, 8:17 am
Stacy, please go and seek help before you do some serious damage to yourself. I can understand your despair and your sadness but it can be helped if you let people help you. I thought at one stage I would end up in a psychiatric unit I was so messed up but I didnt and you wont either. Just take it handy and go get help...you deserve help.

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Snowflakes on Daffodills
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From: Rose
April 13, 2007, 8:10 am
I have 2 agree with that u do need to go 2 da hospital , We are all here 2 support u.

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I have CDO it's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be
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From: Debs
April 13, 2007, 3:05 am
You can get help and they can give you other medication to take this feeling away. That is what hospitals can do for you. I rang for help a few weeks ago and they were great. They sorted me out. Take care and look after yourself. Debs x

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Dreams can come true- if we have the courage to pursue them!
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From: billdoor79
April 12, 2007, 11:53 pm
again, please go to the hospital. it will help you gain control again. there's nothing wrong with getting help, it'll be so worth it. take care.

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She got married for a while, to one of those sensitve men - that like to watch 'Thelma and Louise' over and over and over again, 'til she caught him naked with a jazz-man, caused so much razzamatazz - it wasn't the sex though, she just hated jazz.
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