Holidays
|
|
|
By:
|
need2behappi
|
|
Mood:
|
Other
|
|
Date:
|
Dec 01, 2008
|
|
Music:
|
Bah Hum Bug
|
|
|
The
past
week
has
been
a
blur
of
Thanksgiving
preparations,
cooking,
shopping
and
more
shopping.
At
the
orthodontist
today
there
was
Christmas
music
playing
and
two
thoughts
came
over
me.
The
first
one
being
how
boring
the
music
is
and
how
it
makes
me
unbelievably
sleepy.
The
second
thought
was
how
depressing
I
find
the
music
to
be.
It
seems
dreary
even
morbid
at
times.
The
whole
Xmas
holiday
seems
to
drag
me
down.
I
know
it's
a
combination
of
childhood
memories
and
financial
stress
but
there's
also
some
seemingly
sinister
underlying
issues
at
play.
I
am
so
anxious
and
depressed
during
the
holidays.
I
always
feel
this
sense
of
impending
doom
and
death.
I
wish
I
could
understand
it.
Last
year
I
remember
going
to
my
daughter's
winter
concert
and
I
just
started
bawling.
It
wasn't
out
of
joy.
It
was
out
of
sheer
depression.
I
feel
robbed
of
joy
that
should
come
naturally
to
me
as
a
mother.
It
seems
like
so
many
life
experiences
that
should
have
been
the
high
points
of
my
existence
were
marred
by
sadness.
I
wish
the
shadows
that
are
being
cast
over
my
life
would
lift
up
and
disappear.
It
is
time
for
the
clouds
to
retreat
and
allow
me
some
peace.
I
need
peace.
I
get
angry
that
I
use
sleep
to
find
peace.
There
is
plenty
of
time
to
sleep
once
I'm
dead
yet
I
use
so
much
of
my
life
sleeping
just
to
cope
with
reality.
I
just
want
to
feel
like
these
people
walking
around
in
stores
with
smiles
plastered
on
their
faces.
I
want
to
feel
that
even
if
it's
most
likely
fake.
I
want
to
smile
and
I
want
to
do
it
like
I
mean
it.
| 
