Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

I'm glad the thoughts are getting better. I know how scarey they can be. It's such a relief when the meds start working. And I didn't have ocd really when my kids were first born, but I did have severe depression and I know what it's like to feel anxious when you're alone with the baby. I felt so trapped and feel like I missed time with my precious first baby. Truth is though I was a great mother and you are too. You would never hurt your baby, you are a great mom and I know that just from talking to you. When you start to feel guilty from the thoughts, try to push it out of your mind, hard I know, but try to push it out of your mind because you have nothing to feel guilty about! It's just the ocd and nothing more. Tell yourself you're a great mom, even say it out loud if you have to, seriously! Yell it to yourself if you have to. But you tell yourself you're a great mom and are plenty capable of taking care of your newborn and of a sound mind. I know what it's like to feel like you are going to "lose it". I've had fears before of what if I just scream and freak out and have a nervous breakdown and then not know anyone...know what? IT HASN'T HAPPENED. That's what your meds are for. Lean on them. And say prayers every day, if you believe in that. I'm wishing lots of good thoughts for you to have lots of confidence in yourself! You let us know how WELL you are doing. I expect good things!!

Dear Jessica,

So sorry to hear you are suffering so badly with postpartum OCD.  I know exactly how horrible that is.  I had the same condition 12 years ago after the birth of my son and it was really awful.  I hope that you are getting some support.  Whatever you feel, try to remember it is only thoughts - I know that it does feel so realistic and frightening to you.  It is a condition and not the real person which is you.  I was too afraid to tell anyone except my husband when I had the condition and at times it felt like living through hell so I do know how you feel.  I am sure you are a good and caring person and a great mom. 

This condition always seems to attack the things you care about the most.  You will get better, even if it takes some time.  Please feel free to talk to me at any time and I will do anything I can to help.  Don't worry about telling me exactly what the thoughts are - I have probably had them all!  You are not alone in experiencing this awful illness, and don't worry you will definitely not develop psychosis - that is something completely different, unrelated to OCD.  I remember feeling very isolated and lonely as a new mom with OCD.  I do not want you to feel like that so please talk to me if you need to.  Take care,  from Jue xx