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An Update
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By:
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Quirk
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Mood:
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Tired
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Date:
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Oct 14, 2007
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Music:
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None
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My
OCD
has
become
a
lot
worse
in
the
past
two
weeks
or
so;
I
don’t
know
whether
or
not
this
is
any
relation
to
me
having
stopped
dope,
but
it
seems
so.
Fifteen
days-
I
hope
you’re
all
proud
of
me
J.
It’s
strange,
but
despite
my
initial
hostility
towards
the
NA
meetings,
I
have
grown
to
enjoy
them.
There
is
another
man
there
with
OCD,
and
we’ve
talked
a
bit.
The
NA
blurb
mentions
addiction
as
an
obsessive-compulsive
behaviour,
and
I
believe
that’s
true.
I
have
also
decided
that
I
was
an
addict
years
before
I
started
smoking,
if
that
makes
any
sense.
There
is
a
line
from
one
of
my
favourite
movies,
Thumbsucker,
which
perfectly
describes
me:
“I
was
born
addicted
to
fantasy.”
It
was
spoken
by
a
recovering
addict,
and
is
so
true.
It
seems
that
I
saw
everything,
including
what
I
now
see
as
a
drug
addiction,
as
another
chapter
in
my
autobiography,
as
merely
a
story
to
keep
myself
entertained.
I
don’t
know
how
much
of
my
life
is
true
any
more,
so
tangled
it
is
with
my
stories.
Apparently
my
need
to
make
up
stories
about
my
past
is
part
of
my
OCD;
I
don’t
know.
I
made
a
breakthrough
recently
when
I
‘killed
off’
my
closest
imaginary
friend,
or
so
I
told
my
psychologist-
he
still
haunts
me.
I
cried
for
a
week
and
subsequently
made
a
pathetic
attempt
at
suicide.
It
seems
my
attempts
get
more
pathetic
each
time.
More
grounding,
more
therapy…
I
have
realized
I
feed
off
these
crises
like
a
sick
parasite.
I
am
making
a
conscious
decision
to
blog
more,
you
shall
be
hearing
from
me
soon.
Excuse
the
lack
of
paragraphs.
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