Training my brain to acknowledge and appreciate....
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By:
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EMTShirky
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Mood:
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Content
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Date:
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Jun 19, 2010
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Music:
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None
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I
know
that
at
times
I
am
holding
myself
back
from
success
with
my
more
detrimental
qualities.
I’m
working
like
hell
to
change
that
about
me.
Evidently
I
am
not
only
pathologically
self-doubting,
I
also
seem
to
be
a
pinch
of
pathologically
self-loathing
and
pathologically
self-criticizing.
These
are
all
things
that
I
can
see
in
myself,
things
that
have
been
pointed
out
to
me.
I
am
in
no
way
denying
these
qualities
in
myself.
I’m
working
on
fixing
them.
Most
of
the
time
when
I
say
thing
about
myself
I
don’t
even
notice
that
I
am
criticizing
myself.
However,
I
do
feel
like
I
have
been
getting
substantially
better
with
the
pointing
out
the
positive
when
I’m
thinking
in
the
negative
state
of
mind.
The
best
two
things
I
have
done
for
myself
we’re
to
stop
hiding
my
problem
and
seek
treatment,
and
to
tell
myself
that
I
do
matter,
that
if
I
want
to
be
me
again,
I
have
to
accept
that
I
have
had
failures,
but
I
have
had
many
successes.
I
am
not
defined
by
my
failures;
I
am
defined
by
my
successes.
My
success
overall
is
dependant
on
my
ability
to
achieve
minor
successes
and
recognize
them
as
such.
This
week
has
been
pretty
good.
Monday
I
left
Therapy
feeling
defeated.
Later
in
the
night
I
realized
that
my
therapist
wasn’t
cornering
me,
he
was
helping
me.
It
was
then
I
really
realized
I
needed
to
change
my
view
of
myself.
I’ve
been
doing
all
my
exposures
this
week,
all
of
which
I
was
able
to
do
without
having
to
call
Andrew.
Every
time
that
I
felt
like
I
was
going
to
ritualize
or
the
one
time
that
I
did
ritualize,
I
said
to
myself
that
it
was
okay
to
feel
that
way
right
now,
but
look
how
far
you’ve
come,
your
touching
this
wall.
I
was
also
able
to
get
out
of
the
house
a
lot
more
and
go
places
that
I
wasn’t
comfortable
at
all.
I
have
also
noticed
a
increase
in
the
quantity
and
quality
of
sleep
I
have
been
getting.
Over
all,
I’m
doing
pretty
great,
thanks
not
only
to
Andrew,
but
to
all
you
amazing
people
that
are
telling
me
what
I
need
to
hear.
Those
of
you
who
are
helping
me
to
realize
I
still
unknowingly
insult
myself.
Never
forget
that
you
are
all
some
of
the
most
amazing
people.
With
love,
<3
Meg
Successes:
*Its
been
almost
6
weeks
since
I’ve
gotten
rid
of
Purell
*Hand
washes
are
at
5
a
day
(leading
to
avoidance
of
things
higher
on
hierarchy,
but
I’m
not
at
those
yet)
*Showering
rituals
are
almost
completely
vanquished
*12
minute
shower
*Touching
walls
with
hands/face
*Leaving
house
*Talking
about
OCD
*Not
changing
cloths
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