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Quick and painless

By: coffeedad
Mood: Other
Date: Dec 07, 2012
Music: None


I've not been online. If you know me outside the tribe, I've not been responding and I'm very sorry. I'm not even thinking clearly right now, so this is going be be rather fragmented, and short.

My OCD over catastrophes has become all consuming. I'm not going into details because I really can't handle hearing peoples political standpoints on topical issues but I've been immersed. I spend all day and night watching feeds of information. I've gotten involved in certain activist groups again, and I've lost control. These are the facts of the situation.

I'm sorry that I have been missing for such a long time.



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December 8, 2012, 2:13 pm

 Bill.. I wish I could be of more real help. If I lived closer I could do more because I could be there to push you, cry with you or whatever. It makes me sad that you suffer as much as you do. All I can offer are words that seem somewhat hollow or cold, even though they do hold more than they seem. I know how it feels so awful and helpful words seem pointless... you know I've been there myself. 


But, I'd be a very bad friend if I didn't say the words, you know? So, I am not saying it to just tell you what to do or because I don't get how you feel.. I say them because I really do get it, better than you might think. I have the ADHD that makes so many things catch my eye/mind and then OCD can get triggered and not let me stop. I do well only out of brute force at times.


So, understand I get it and I care. I hate it you suffer so much.


The only thing that can help this issue Bill is one thing - a choice you will feel is impossible. You have to choose to stop acting on the impulses. You will fail, a lot. You will try and find yourself back there like a body snatcher took you away. But try anyway. Get timers, reminders - ANYTHING that can help cue you. You have to have ways of stopping every so often and evaluating what you are doing. Are you doing something that keeps you stuck? Then you and you alone have the power over your own body. You cannot read hours of news feeds if you don't sit at the computer. You can't lose control of your involvement in these groups if you do not get involved. Right now your responsibility is to yourself and your health. Get well, then do your part in a controlled way. I used to be very involved in animal welfare but I had to stop. I felt like it was irresponsible to not be involved. I felt terrible guilt for not helping. But in reality, making myself very ill with it isn't helping anyone. Now I carefully choose how and when to be a part of things, and how much. I remind myself that I do try to live responsibly and I take care of my own rescue dogs. I donate when I can. Being responsible in how you live IS being involved, even when you can't go to a rally. If every person out there lived responsibly, that would accomplish more anyway. So, even if you have to withdraw from the organized groups, you can still do your part. Always remind yourself that each person's responsibility is variable and different. Making your "share" be the same as someone who is in good health and has a relatively calm existence.. well, that is not going to be equal at all. Do what you *can* do and not what some imaginary pinnacle is.


I KNOW how impossible this feels and sounds, but it isn't. That part is a lie, ok? You have to run the risk that what I am saying is true. Until you risk going against the OCD you will be stuck and no meds or other person can make that stop. It is a choice to follow the urges or not. You have to cue yourself to make the choices. The thoughts will come - maybe even more so if you fight back. The feelings will worsen at first. 


But as bad as they feel, what will actually happen if you feel "terrible?" Nothing. If you do not act on the thoughts and feelings, nothing bad will happen. Feelings and thoughts cannot force you to do anything. People with OCD don't seem to be fully aware that they do have power to stop acting on these things. We tend to not believe we can stop. You cannot stop the thoughts and feelings, but if you stop following them and feeding them, they do ease back some... how much is very variable.


And.. if a person has OCD bad enough that the thoughts and feelings do not get better when you stop acting on them, that person can still cope and live a decent life... it's just harder. The more the thoughts and feelings are present, the more deliberate you have to be in how you live. But it is possible to still live well.


Pema Chodron has some amazing books Bill... one is When Things Fall Apart and the other is The Places That Scare You. You don't need to become a Buddhist to get a lot out of them. She writes wonderfully.


See your real self Bill... you are in there, and different than all those other things screaming in your ear. 


I hope this doesn't come across badly... I just can't see this and not try to help.


 



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Never attach your happiness to anything you can lose. ~ C.S. Lewis
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From: chez
December 8, 2012, 10:33 am

 hope you feel better soon and try to stay strong.



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Fear is a feeling that is more stronger than love.
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December 8, 2012, 10:27 am

 I had this problem also, so I set up a gmail account. I took advantage of the ease with which I can send me email into the various catagories and direct that they not show up in my inbox. When I am in the mood or feel I have the stregth 


for it, I will open my political folder, (which also has sub folders) That way I hace control and do not feel a componction to deal with all of it (at once).



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It is possible to learn to live successfully with ocd
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December 8, 2012, 6:15 am

Stand strong. J



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Tomorrow is only a day away...
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December 8, 2012, 12:08 am

Miss you, Barin.



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Far or forgot to me is near. Shadow and sunlight are the same. The vanished gods to me appear and one to me are shame and fame. They reckon ill who leave me out, when me they fly--I am the wings. I am the doubter and the doubt, and I the hymn the Brahmin sings.~~Ralph Waldo Emerson
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