OCD help

By: ocd_helpme
Mood: Other
Date: Jan 18, 2014
Music: None

HI, I am writing to this site because I dont know what to do. I have had ocd for a very long time now, probably since i was 3 years old. I've had many different ocd osessions some of them being....fear of others getting hurt, fear of not loving God, having to tell my mom everything (when I was little), praying for people, and a recent one, having to tell my boyfriend everything I've ever done, who I think is cute, that I might have feelings for someone else (which I dont, just stupid thoughts in my head), and just everything. We have been dating for a year and a half now, and i think he's pretty much done with me. He said he wanted to take a month break and I begged him not to. He said he wanted to be done wiht the fighting because I would always start fights, and he has gotten so tired of ocd! Which I don't blame him AT ALL! After he said he wanted a month break, I sent him so many emails and like went crazy on him and he ignored me. I don't know if we're in a month break or completely over. I'm trying to read on OCD and get completely over it, so that maybe in a month if he decided he wants me, then I'll pretty much be bettter. If anyone has any advice for me on what I should do or any sites I can look up to get over this it would be very helpful. I don't want to lose him. He's the love of my life but I'm afraid it might be too late. Any advice would be so helpful! Thank you!



January 19, 2014, 10:34 am

Okay, I'm really sorry I think I didn't explain this al the way. It's not that he doesn't get it, it's just that he has been dealing with it for the past year now and he's tired. He is the one who was there with me through everything and he's been on my side this entire time. He is honestly the one who helped me get through it when I was in a horrible stage. He's just tired now and I don't blame him so I want to get better because I want him to stay with me. And also, I know it won't go away in a month. I have been to a university/hospital thing for it for a month and a half, and I've read many things on it, and I am also taking pills to get over it. I know I won't just wake up and it will be gone, I just want to get help kicking it out of me. I have also been to one of the best ocd therapists in the world but she kicked me out because I wasn't ready to work on it, I thought it was too hard. I know it's going to be hard but I just really want it kicked out of me for good. And MerelyMe, I am actually like half way into the book 'Brainlock' and it is quite helpful so thank you. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea about him not understanding this and not wanting me because of it. It's definitely not like that. He really has been here for me. When i was in the hospital,  he drove like 5 hours to come see me every other weekend and he has been by my side this entire time. He helped me when I cried and he has never left my side. It's just that I've had all this help to get over it and I still haven't done it.  I think that after a year of this he is just tired and he wants me better. It's not even just ocd it's also that I'm stubborn and I start fights all the time. I don't know if it's a personality disorder or just me being a brat, but if you know of any other sites or have any other advice for me to help kick ocd's butt it would be great. Thank you.



From: MerelyMe
January 19, 2014, 6:59 am

There is a book called 'Brainlock" that you should read. You need to talk to your parents and seek therapy. You can beat this. But you need to do it for yourself and not your boyfriend.


You've come this far, don't you be scared now. You can learn to fly on the way down.

From: MEandOCD
January 19, 2014, 1:03 am
Hun, OCD is a mental illness. Its not something you just get over. Especially not in a month. There are ways to make it easier to live with. Therapies, medications, ERP and CBT are the two most progressive therapies for it right now. I have been where you are and I know that feeling of desperation. I feel I need to tell you that having OCD doesn't make you broken. It doesn't mean no one can or will love you. It just means that you will have to learn to live with this disorder. It sounds like you haven't really come to terms with what you have all the way, yet. Listen if he can't handle your OCD then he might not be the one for you. The more stress you are under the more the OCD acts up. It can be really hard to deal with and I am not talking about being hard on him. I am talking about it being very hard on you. Getting help can really improve your life but the reality is you are not going to wake up in a month and be cured. There is no cure, just management and a lot of us do pretty well with treatment. Not perfect mind you, but then no one is perfect. I had a lot of the same issues you are talking about. Relationship fears (where it says you don't love your partner, you like someone else, he doesn't love you ect.) I also confided in my mother about my thoughts with OCD so much that I literally call her my OCD priest. It is called confession. You feel guilty so you have to confess even if you know you have done nothing wrong. You need to work on you and get help for you, not because you want to keep him, but because you want the symptoms to be less intrusive on your life. If he comes back around after you are managing your OCD better than great. If not, it will hurt but you will get over it. Take it from me, my first marriage went down like that. I wanted him to be with me so bad....and you know what? He didn't deserve me. He couldn't understand my issues and he was no perfect rose either. If this guy runs out on you when you needed him most, he doesn't deserve you either. It sounds crass and I am not trying to be. I know it is very hard and I remember that pain well. But I got my stuff togther (better with therapy and learning more about my own OCD) and I met someone who loves me for me. He accepts I have OCD. That can happen to you as well.That other man is a distant memory. I don't know you and I am no doctor but I have this for over thirty something years and I think you should really focus on yourself and getting to know yourself more. Not just the OCD part of you but the you part of you as well. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be treated well. You deserve to get help and learn just how truly strong you are. I know because I have been where you are so often I chose the wallpaper. I really feel for you hun. No matter what happens we are here for you and we understand what you are going through. I know its hard but hang in there.