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By: Andrea
Mood: Other
Date: Jul 06, 2008
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I had my first panic attack last night. I don't know if I can handle having another disorder on top of my OCD. The attack stemmed from an obsession, it felt like my chest was caving in on me and I couldn't breathe. I started having another one today, but I was able to contain it.

I don't really know how much longer I can take this disease. I'm fearing that it may be time for me to go back to counseling, and that is something I very very unwillingfully do. This will be my fourth counselor in the past five years. I hate counseling. I really really do. And the last thing I want to do is go back. But right now I don't know what else to do.

I've just been so sad lately. Everything that is truly important to me in life is seeming to fall apart and I just feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like I have control over nothing and I am so scared. If I had one wish in the world, it would be that things would go back to exactly the way they were before I came down with this stupid disease.

This disease has taken away EVERYTHING. I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what I believe in, I don't even believe in myself.

I look at everyone around me leading just normal, ordinary lives...

what I would do to just be normal.

If there is a God, I pray to him that he heals me from this disease and reminds me of who I was over six years ago. :(


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From: sherri3
July 8, 2008, 12:00 am
Andrea, I used to spend alot of time "mourning" the life I could have had and what a complete waste of time and energy OCD is.  But I wouldn't have the same compassion and strengh without having suffered.  I used to look down on people with mental illness - like it was poor genes or something!  I don't know why we have to walk this road but I assure you. your OCD does not take value away from your life.  You have an insight on some parts of yourself that you may never have discovered without this struggle.  And remeber when you feel jealous of the "normal" people that we all have our crosses to bear.  Ours is OCD.   Don't give up hope.   Forget trying to get back to who you were six years ago and focus on trying meds or behavioral therapy and finding out who you can be now.    Good luck, I really do know how you feel.  Stay as positive as you can! Sherri

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It's time for me to take a leap of faith.
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From: Faith10
July 7, 2008, 8:29 pm

 

Dear Andrea,

I can so hear where you are coming from on this matter of OCD! I've had Ocd basically Pure O, for years.  I  had symptoms  when I was young like 6  and then it got worse about 13 or 14  years of age. My Ocd went away for about ten years where things didn't bothering me as much as they do now.  One of the reasons why Ocd makes it hard is that you don't feel you have control over your mind. You try to stop thinking or rationalizing things out, only that it makes worse and yes  it makes you have an Panic attack and  they are so awful!!! Know that  your not alone  in this .  Do your best to stay busy , journal,  walk and eat healthy.  Read about ocd  and understand  it.  It's not you it's the disorder. If you need any advice please feel free to e-mail me! Take care, Faith

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Never Give Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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From: majortom
July 7, 2008, 7:04 pm

Andrea,

My panic attacks are brutal as well. Keep pushing through them girl.

Major Tom. 
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I am feeling a bit crispy today :)
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From: mattbenjamin50
July 7, 2008, 6:22 pm
The main thing you need to come to terms with, is that OCD is not a disease. It is a disorder. a disease is finite, physical. A disorder is emotional. You may not have been aware of your OCD early in life, but the brain doesn't fully develop until the mid 20s. That is when most mental disorders tend to show themselves. I speak with my doctor on several occasions, both when times are good and bad. Although I have had panic attacks for many years, I did not really know what they were until someone on OCDtride described one for me. At that point, I realized I suffered from them for many years. Mine are quite painfull. Also, you need to come to terms with you are normal. Having OCD doesn't change who you are. It just makes life interesting. Keep in mind OCD has two parts, the obsessive part and a compulsive part. Also, there probably won't ever be a end to counsling. You may go several montsh between sessions, but it probably won't ever end. If you try to ignore the obsession, it will only make it worst later. The main thing that drives OCD is anxiety. You need to learn, with the aid of a counsler, what is fueling your anxiety. Keep in mind, it can be more then one thing that fuels it.

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From: barkley
July 7, 2008, 11:12 am
I'm sorry that you are having a rough go of it.  Panic attacks are terrible. I remember my first bowt with OCD when I would get them.  I thought I was going to die.  Hang in there, keep praying...........it can and will get better.  Are you on any medication?  Paxil has helped me very much

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Barkley
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From: bluebuddha
July 7, 2008, 8:13 am

-I'm sorry that your having a bad time right now. Don't give up. Go back to a therapist...you just have to find the right one that you will really click with. OCD can be a life long condition....that doesn't mean that it has to be a bad life. Right now your just overwhelmed by the OCD...I've been there. Your not crazy, this is not your fault. Are you taking any medication for your OCD...make a doctor appointment today. Be well.

Blue

 
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'Never....Give Up!'
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From: bubblesaway
July 7, 2008, 12:18 am
Dear Andrea, I have had OCD for 17 years and it sucks but I can tell you that YES there is a GOD and I have prayed every prayer you can for healing and I have not recived healing but strenth to deal and fight and yes even over come alot of the OCD it is a journey that for some reason he chooses to have some of us take. Don't give up.  A really good book to read is the battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer I have read it 4 times and now own in to on CD form too, it has really helped me alot. Best wishes to you

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GOT SOAP?
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From: Makeshift_Wings
July 7, 2008, 12:00 am

I know how bad panics attacks can be, and I'm sorry you had to deal with it, and the OCD. I think it might just be the anxiesty just exploding as well, it happened to me once. 

OCD can make you lose yourself, but you can build off the destruction it has left, and beat it as its own game. I know I must sound kind of stupid, but I just wanted to wish you the best and to let you know, you can do this, despite how hard it is. 



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'How will I ever know limits from lies, if I never try?'
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