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Murphy
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By:
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Lostinyoureyes
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Mood:
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Frustrated
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Date:
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Dec 06, 2012
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Music:
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Hurt- Johnny Cash and anything else on 98.7 LA's rock alternative
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So,
I
have
tried
to
write
this
blog
about
four
times
now,
and
it
is
frustrating
me
to
the
point
where
I
don't
even
want
to
try
to
compose
a
thought
anymore.
Internet
keepseffing
with
me.
I
wanted
to
have
something
good
to
say,
or
at
least
to
write
it
in
a
way
that
mattered
because
lately,
I
haven't
really
felt
like
reaching
out
with
anyone.
And
that
bothers
me
that
I
can't
even
bring
up
the
nerve
to
blog
on
a
website
that
actually
is
supportive.
I
have
been
bittersweet
lately,
and
I
often
am.
Everything
that
surrounds
me-
practically
existence
itself-
triggers
intrusive
thoughts
that
can
be
severe
at
best.
I
feel
evil,
and
if
I
could
explain
this
in
a
way
that
makes
sense,
I
would.
I
have
this
pain
in
my
chest
that
makes
me
feel
sick.
It's
like
an
anxiety
that
makes
it
impossible
to
move
forward,
but
at
the
same
time
prevents
deterioration.
Like
being
static
when
everyone
else
is
in
motion,
and
all
I
do
is
admire
the
melancholy.
And
to
make
things
worse,
this
has
been
a
very
stressful
year
for
me.
Not
only
have
many
bad
things
happened,
but
also,
I
keep
obssessing
over
them.
It
really
urks
me,
especially
because
most
things
that
have
happened,
I
had
no
control
over.
In
fact,
I
was
the
victim,
and
yet
so
many
authority
figures
try
to
poke
their
noses
in
my
business;
try
to
hold
me
accountable,
try
to
demean
me,
and
sit
up
on
their
pedestals
like
g_d
itself
should
be
worshipping
them.
Because
a
frail,
little
twenty-four
year
old
girl
can
prevent
her
car
from
being
rear
ended,
can
prevent
the
economy
from
falling
apart,
can
predict
that
someone
is
going
to
steal
her
computer,
wallet,
social
security
number,
and
license,
can
fix
her
parents
problems,
can
avoid
an
unavoidable
55
gallon
drum/hit
and
run
on
the
freeway,
can
fix
all
the
government's
mistakes
and
pay
for
them,
can
save
herself
from
losing
her
baby
because
her
doctor
doesn't
want
to
do
the
stupid
test
to
prove
thatshe
has
medical
issues,
can
prevent
her
foot
from
getting
broken,
can
prevent
parking
violations
received
from
a
county
that
she's
never
parked
in,
and
can
prevent
anything
from
dying
because
she
has
the
power
to
overcome
all.
Right.
That's
me.
I
have
the
capabilities
to
do
all
of
that,
mr.
cop,
mr.
doctor,
mr.
government.
I
really
admire
those
out
there
that
are
consumed
by
a
much
darker
hell
than
mine.
I
would
never
make
it
out
alive.
Thinking
of
changing
my
name
to
Murphy.
Think
it
would
be
fitting.
:)
And
just
so
everyone
knows,
I
don't
want
sympathy.
Just
reaching
out
to
people
because
if
I
don't,
I
think
I
will
explode
today.
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