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It's too difficult

By: the_trier
Mood: Other
Date: Jan 20, 2013
Music: None


It's so difficult to stay happy. One day I'm happy and the next I just fall into pieces. i have a good job, supportive family, great friends - Life's pretty good to me. But I still feel inadequate. Why am I never good enough? Why can't I do things better? Why don't people like me?

I'm trying, trying really hard. But trying never seems to be enough. I know that I need to stay positive, not let the negative thoughts get to me. But I'm not strong enough. I'm not sure how long more I can take this. Everytime I fall, it's harder for me to stand up. I'm tired. Really tired.

At this moment, I feel that everything is out of my control. I can't stop crying, even over the smallest hiccup. 'Let it go', my friends say. But I can't. I get angry and upset with myself for not letting it go. Nothing I do is right. I'm tired.

I've tried medication, positive thinking, seeing a psychologist... but it still happens. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired. I don't know how much longer I can take it.



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VIEWING 1 - 7 OUT OF 7 COMMENTS

January 21, 2013, 10:16 am

 @rainingoctober: I have been on Zoloft for 1.5 years. I think it's working but the question is, by how much? I still have my moments and rather frequently. I have gained 5kg after taking the medication and it's not helping my self esteem. I think my doctor wants me to up my dosage but I'm afraid of being overly dependent on drugs.


@ocd_sucks96: Thanks, you do make a lot of sense. But it's so tiring because whenever I feel better, there's the question of when it will hit me again. It's affecting me in my work. Today, I had to drag myself out of bed to go to work. At work, all I really wanted to do is cry. I can't continue like this. I just need to know there's a light at the end of the tunnel so that I can keep picking myself up. Else, I'll keep asking myself, why do I pick myself up just to go through another bout of depression. I feel like all my energy has been sucked out of me. I'm angry with myself


To everyone else, THANK YOU for responding. It helps to have people who understand exactly what I'm going through. 



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From: eoian13
January 20, 2013, 11:04 pm

 Hang in there you can overcome this. 



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From: ktbothum
January 20, 2013, 9:38 pm

I'm right there with you on that one. I wish I could say things will be better but that won't help. The only thing that I will say is this OCD is not who you are and if you try and cling to the good times when things are falling apart, maybe it won't be so difficult when the tears are falling down hard the next day. I've had blog postings about my tough times too. Check my page out and give them a reading. You're not alone.



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I will not bend until I break/how much can one bruised body take/just not enough to silence me/you're only a memory/I'll scream these words 'till they come true/then I will think no more of you/look back on what I'm going through/this isn't my identity
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January 20, 2013, 5:51 pm

I feel the same way a lot. Ocd wears you downt o beyond your limits. The thing is, the thoughts wont completely go away, ever. Youll have to accept that you have to cope with it, not get rid of it. It does get better at times, and i know it can be ridiculously unbearable, but you have to make it your goal to  not get rid of the thoughts, but to overcome them. It is extremely hard to do this, and I know thats hard news to bear,  believe me, i know, im still mad about it myself, like why do i have to have it, why did it ruin my life, and why cant it ever go away, but the thing is, even when your past your breaking point by 110%, and all you wanna do is kill yourself, and you feel like the world should end, just tell yourself this, and it probably wont make you feel that better at the time whatsoever, but tell yourself that you have to keep going, even if you dont know how, dont want to, or just cant. you have to because your family and friends care too much. If you hurt yourself, it may be better for you, but youd be ruining their lives, and I know ocd ruins your life, mine as well, but dont let it take you away from your family



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Just another day in hell...
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January 20, 2013, 1:34 pm

Oh gosh I can't really think of how to help... :(



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Gabe Carrier pass/spam it on!
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January 20, 2013, 11:37 am

Sorry, I just saw where you said you had tried meds and docs before. But, how long were you on any specific type of med? If I take my Prozac like I am supopsed to, I have normal ups and downs, but if I forget or don't take it for a little while, I lead myself up to a crash eventually.



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But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep...
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January 20, 2013, 11:35 am

Are you on any type of medication or seeing any type of doctor? I know how you feel about the feeling inadequate. I wish I had an answer for WHY though. I feel as though I am being rejected anytime someone doesn't want to hang out with me or would rather sleep or do something else besides be around me. So then I start wondering what I did wrong or why people don't like me. And I, like you mentioned, have absolutely wonderful people in my life. It is weird the way we attack ourselves in this secret attempt to destroy, isn't it? Hang in there, you are not alone!



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But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep...
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