How I Over Came OCD Part 2
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By:
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Courage
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Mood:
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Don't know
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Date:
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Dec 28, 2012
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Music:
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None
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I
want
to
start
tonights
blog
by
adding
something
I
wish
I
wrote
last
night.
Just
to
vent
to
feel
relieved.
From
about
08
till
09.
My
kids
at
time
where
ages
15,11,4,3
Our
5th
wasnt
born
just
yet. I
was
pretty
much
bed
ridden.
My
partner
took
care
of
the
kids.The
kids
seen
so
many
compultions.
150
...5
minute
ones
a
day
and
tons
of
25min
ones
and
few
2
hour
ones
(sometimes)
I
didnt
want
them
see
them...
in
fear
Id
have
them
walk
backward,
Or
speak
backwards
to
erase
something
they
did
or
said.
So
I
hid
from
them.
When
anyone
turned
on
the
shower,
sink
,
flushed
toilet.
They
would
have
to
warn
me.
So
I
could
scream
in
my
pillow,
to
not
hear
them.
I
had
bad
thoughts
running
every
second.
So
if
the
water
got
turn
off
durning
a
thought.
It
meant
that
thought
would
happen.
Often
if
a
thought
got
caught.
Id
have
them
turn
the
water
off
and
on
for
50
plus
times.
While
they
say
"I
TAKE
IT
BACK"
One
of
my
daughters
friends
sometime
participated. When
I
wasnt
stuck
to
my
room,
I
pretty
much
hid
from
the
kids
till
2011.
I
missed
a
big
chunk
of
their
lives.
Weird
to
say
that
because
Im
actually
a
VERY
involved
mom.
And
now
you
bet
ya
I
dont
miss
a
thing. My
kids
begged
me
to
stop.
I
couldnt
see
my
life
with
it
anymore
and
I
couldnt
see
my
life
without
it! I
remember
throwing
away
a
water
machine
(cost
$200)the
same
night
we
bought
it.
I
got
a
real
bad
thought
and
the
OCD
said
I
couldnt
return
it,
"That
I
had
to
throw
it
away!
Threw
away
so
much. My
house
was
so
trashed
because
it
was
so
hard
to
clean
with
constant
compultions.
When
I
went
to
sell
the
house.
The
Saling
agent
asked
if
we
were
running
a
crack
house.
Im
not
kidding! I
was
barely
exsisting.
Everyday
felt
weird
and
dream
like.
I
ran
away
from
all
friends.
I
wanted
to
be
alone
in
my
hell
of
ADDICTION.
I
wanted
to
die
but
I
couldnt
do
that
to
the
kids.
I
lived
death
everyday.
Because
everyday
Id
see
death
and
compulsiate
"Just
to
keep
my
family
alive" I
just
wanted
to
be
more
clear
with
u
tonight!
I
might
not
use/go
to/have
OCD
anymore.
But
I
still
need
your
support.
It
hurts
what
I
did
and
how
I
wasted
that
time.
I
need
to
continue
healing.
Ill
never
stop
needing
you,
needing
to
help,
and
needing
to
talk
about
it.
If
I
was
this
BAD,
You
can
over
come
OCD
too! I
love
you
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