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How I Over Came OCD Part 2

By: Courage
Mood: Don't know
Date: Dec 28, 2012
Music: None


I want to start tonights blog by adding something I wish I wrote last night. Just to vent to feel relieved. From about 08 till 09. My kids at time where ages 15,11,4,3 Our 5th wasnt born just yet.

I was pretty much bed ridden. My partner took care of the kids.The kids seen so many compultions. 150 ...5 minute ones a day and tons of 25min ones and few 2 hour ones (sometimes) I didnt want them see them... in fear Id have them walk backward, Or speak backwards to erase something they did or said. So I hid from them. When anyone turned on the shower, sink , flushed toilet. They would have to warn me. So I could scream in my pillow, to not hear them. I had bad thoughts running every second. So if the water got turn off durning a thought. It meant that thought would happen. Often if a thought got caught. Id have them turn the water off and on for 50 plus times. While they say "I TAKE IT BACK" One of my daughters friends sometime participated.

When I wasnt stuck to my room, I pretty much hid from the kids till 2011. I missed a big chunk of their lives. Weird to say that because Im actually a VERY involved mom. And now you bet ya I dont miss a thing.

My kids begged me to stop. I couldnt see my life with it anymore and I couldnt see my life without it!

I remember throwing away a water machine (cost $200)the same night we bought it. I got a real bad thought and the OCD said I couldnt return it, "That I had to throw it away! Threw away so much.

My house was so trashed because it was so hard to clean with constant compultions. When I went to sell the house. The Saling agent asked if we were running a crack house. Im not kidding!

I was barely exsisting. Everyday felt weird and dream like. I ran away from all friends. I wanted to be alone in my hell of ADDICTION. I wanted to die but I couldnt do that to the kids. I lived death everyday. Because everyday Id see death and compulsiate "Just to keep my family alive"

I just wanted to be more clear with u tonight! I might not use/go to/have OCD anymore. But I still need your support. It hurts what I did and how I wasted that time. I need to continue healing. Ill never stop needing you, needing to help, and needing to talk about it. If I was this BAD, You can over come OCD too!

I love you



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From: Filmkop
January 3, 2013, 6:10 pm

I love you courage, your screen name defines you to a T. i will ALWAYS be here to love and support you no matter what. im so proud and amazed by you that you could overcome this. my promise is for life



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You just have to believe
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December 30, 2012, 10:41 am

 


 


Oh, that was very severe OCD and I understand because mine is severe like that too.  I am wanting to know how you began to heal.  Please share your recovery story.



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From: jemily
December 29, 2012, 12:10 pm

thanks for sharing these blogs. i have a lot of guilt over my son living in my ocd world which in turn only made my ocd stronger. i wrote him a letter to apologize to him and it was very therapeutic for both of us. it is in my blog section if you want to read it. maybe you can relate to it.



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The smallest step in the right direction can end up being the biggest step of your life, tip toe if you must but take the step.
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