From despair to where ?

Mood: Sad
Date: Sep 22, 2013
Music: Raining in Baltimore by counting crows.

Today i feel like my whole world has collapsed around me, Im so tired and i cant find the energy to keep going, i feel like im a burden on everyone :(



September 23, 2013, 3:12 pm

 Hi there, thanks for the comments they meean so much to me, sometimes ocd can make you feel so lonely and it helps alot to know i'm not alone :)



''When you stare into the abyss the abyss stares back at you'-Friedrich Nietzsche

September 22, 2013, 4:21 pm

 I am sorry you feel this way... it sounds painful for you. Congratulate yourself on getting up, posting this and anything else you have done today. I mean that, it isn't hokey or silly things people say, it works. It doesn't solve it but it does help. People who are down often look at the place they want to get to then back to where they are and it feels impossible. The trick is to do just what you can do, always. If that means getting up and getting dressed but not much else, then some days, that is ok too. But always push back or it deepens. Pushing back is deliberate and you have to decide to do that part... people like us now have that as our lifework, to always push back, remain vigilent and to not give up. It seems unfair but lots of people have unfair lives, most actually.

I want to point out that the key in what you've said is: "feel." It FEELS this bad. It FEELS like the world collapsed. But we give too much credit to how we feel. How we feel is but one part of who we are and how we operate. Feelings are like the horn on a car... makes a lot of noise but it's not exactly a true barometer of what is happening, right?Feelings are loud and difficult but we are more than feelings. 

You do not choose how you feel. There is no point in trying not to feel that way, you already do feel that way. The trick is realizing that as bad as it can feel, feelings cannot do things so they cannot harm you or cause real things to happen. Feelings also lie and tend to know jack-crap about the real world. 

When I feel the way you do now, I do my best to give myself some time to get through the first bit of it. WHenever I fall down the first few days or so are the hardest. I let myself rest more, eat more or less if I want, I indulge myself a bit in the same way I would if I had the flu. Basically, I take care of myself as best I can and find comfort in whatever I think will help. I will not go do things that "feel" like things I should do if I know full well they are going to cause more problems or harm.

Then, after a few days of letting my brain chemistry resettle somewhat, I start actively finding things that work against the dark feelings... take more showers, not less... eat as healthy as I can afford... get proper amounts of sleep and stay on a schedule... do the house chores even if I can't see the point... I watch funny videos that make me laugh, the harder the better... I get out of the house. 

Those things are the sorts of things that affect our feelings the same way some good soup and rest affect a cold. Small effects but still an effect, they add up!

One thing I plan to write more about in a blog at some point is that certain activities feel rewarding or fulfilling to us and they can vary from person to person. For me, making any sort of artwork is really helpful. Creative people should feed that creativity.

I hope something in this is of help. I wouldn't write it if I thought you weren't worth it. You're a good person... you don't deserve to suffer like this.


Never attach your happiness to anything you can lose. ~ C.S. Lewis

September 22, 2013, 3:56 pm

 A lot of us can relate to this feeling.  Now, you must not give up...only you can change this.  Someone outthere cares.  Hang in there, it will get better.  J


Take it and live through it... it's going to be OK...