CATEGORIES:    
 

False Memories?

By: mutantaardvark
Mood: Frustrated
Date: Jun 19, 2010
Music: Feeder - Pushing the Senses


This is something that has been on my mind recently:

I have Pure-O with a hearty scoop of HIV Phobia scooped in.  Generally I have a pretty strong handle on my OCD - I'm quite high-functioning, I can manage socially, and so on - but over the summer I've been hanging around not doing anything, and I suppose my brain has decided to occupy itself.

Basically, I'm getting memories. Weird ones from two years ago, that I'm not sure are real or not. Like I mentioned, I have my intense fear of HIV, so predictably a good deal of the memories circulate around sex. No memories of actually having sex - but snippets of conversations I don't remember having - things like a college roommate asking me about the "chick I bagged last night," someone shouting at me for "having sex with their friend," and so on. [a lot of these are things I would never do. I went through a period of time where I was pretty sure I was asexual, and though I don't still stand behind that philosophy, I do have a really low sex drive]

Sometimes these memories are obviously false - I have a fairly large vocabulary for a 19-year-old, and in some of the memories, all of the dialogue has my speech characteristics - rendering the memory something only my mind has thought up. Sometimes, though, they can be disturbingly creative. Sometimes, they incorporate memories i KNOW are real, thus making themselves seem more real.

Anyone else experience anything like this? It's getting to the point where I don't know fiction from reality.



SHARE THIS BLOG POST