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:-( help xx

By: Mand862
Mood: Sad
Date: Jul 19, 2011
Music: None


hey!

I usually have a smile on my face, even if don't feel like smiling but I am feeling a little disappointed after an appointment I had today!!

Last session I felt amazing, I had opened up about all that was in my mind and different memories etc, but today, I felt as though my therapist didnt realise how much it hurts me, and thats my fault, believe me, because I act like all ok, so what I have done is written a 3 page journal, as she asked me to write it as I find hard to verbalise. I literally was paralysed into silence when she asking me my thoughts. Just wondered, besides writing down, if anyone knows how I can be more confident with my feelings. I know alot of it is because at home, my mother cares about me, but when comes to deep things, she goes off topic or pretends cant hear me - even earlier I had sharp chest pains - and i was yelping in pain, dad was saying, aww u ok, i like yeh just heartburn prob, whereas mum was like, "can u hear that alarm.." ..."oh look there".. and sayng anything to put attention off me, but, when sister, she gets so much more, and now mum and sis fallen out, mum is distraught,

I know I gone on abit, but would appreciate any kind of feedback!! As i feel really upset and angry about everything and myself!! Please anyone, i'd appreciate it! I am confused as what I feel I know, just feels like its people's lies and I dont know what to believe about myself anymore :'(

 

xx


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From: Mand862
July 19, 2011, 5:18 pm

Thank you Cal :)


Yes, I start a counselling course in September and we have to do self-journals and be really open, and I am very concerned because I feel I don't feel ready as I am working through things at the moment.  Theres a side of me that doesnt want to do the course, just done a degree and applied for training at an organisation that helps those victims of domestic violence but feel I should as have to "tick the boxes" just really dont fancy it!!


I appreciate the kind words <3 hope you are well xx
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From: cal9968
July 19, 2011, 5:13 pm

Hi there


Sorry to hear how you are feeling. You know that sometimes therapy can make you feel worse.  This can be because our expectations can be so high and when they are not met we feel let down. She was not interested in reading it more giving you an exercise to put into words your feelings.  You can read it and read how you are feeling.  It almost makes it more real. And sometimes it can make you look at your feelings in an almost detached way.


 


You must believe in yourself. Keep going to therapy. It takes such a long time to work through things but you will get the better days. Be patient and be kind to yourself.  You matter.
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From: Mand862
July 19, 2011, 1:48 pm

Aww brilliant, thank you cuppy :-)


I have done 3 pages on my journal so far about different things, she said she will let me know of a cancellation this week as I said i was struggling a bit, and won't see her for 3 weeks as I away next week - she away week after.


My dad is okay about expressing, but mum, when it comes to me, she cant accept it.  But, just now she asked if I ever felt unwanted as thats what my sis keeps saying, so its like, when sis says it, she listens, when I say it, she will go off in a "huff". Love my family but sometimes their actions affect me.


I even want to ask them about my memories but they downplay all that I don't get anywhere.  So, when say this to therapist, she just thinks not as bad (like I said on original post) just wish i was like sis in the sense that she is very open about her thoughts, whereas I, will push to back!!


Thanks again cuppy, you brought a smile back :-) xx
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