|
4-Year Anniversary
|
|
|
By:
|
weasel232k
|
|
Mood:
|
Don't know
|
|
Date:
|
Jul 10, 2012
|
|
Music:
|
None
|
|
|
Usually
the
anniversary
of
my
suicide
attempt
is
an
important
day
for
me.
It
feels
solemn,
serious,
and
reflective,
but
makes
me
proud
and
feel
strong,
too.
But
it
passed,
July
6th,
without
me
even
noticing
until
today,
the
9th.
Its
because
I've
been
so
freaked
out
about
falling
back
in
that
anxiety
and
depression
hole.
I'm
seeing
my
obsessions
come
stronger,
and
with
more
anxiety,
and
it's
horrifying.
I've
worked
so
hard.
As
a
child
and
a
preadolescent,
I
was
sometimes
stricken
with
anxiety
to
the
point
where
I
couldn't
leave
my
house.
Now
I
study
law
at
a
big-city
university.
I
work,
I'm
a
stage
manager,
I
have
friends.
I'm
a
public
speaker.
I
was
so
proud.
Now
I'm
afraid
I'm
going
to
regress.
I
feel
the
anxiety
and
the
sadness
inside
me
all
day,
in
the
background,
and
after
dark,
it
begins
to
come
out.
I
get
teary,
less
connected
with
reality.
My
intrusive
images
start
up,
and
are
getting
stronger
every
day.
I'm
so
flustered. Remembering
today
about
my
anniversary
made
me
feel
a
little
better-
it
made
me
thankful
for
how
far
I've
come.
Maybe
I
have
taken
a
few
steps
back
and
maybe
I
haven't,
but
in
any
case
I'm
a
lot
better
off
than
I
was
a
4
years
ago.
I
mean,
I
have
to
sort
of
accept
that
this
is
going
to
be
a
long
road,
from
totally
broken
to
perfectly
whole
and
maybe
I'll
never
get
there,
but
being
really
worried
about
steps
back
and
rushing
myself
in
just
a
few
years
just
isn't
rational
and
isn't
going
to
help.
It's
going
to
take
some
time. I
feel
like
I
don't
have
enough
time.
In
the
line
of
work
I'm
pursuing,
in
the
city
I'm
going
to
work
in,
it's
very
dog-eat-dog.
I'm
years
behind
because
I
spent
ages
being
ill,
and
every
setback
makes
me
scared
that
I'm
going
to
be
sucked
back
into
that
hole,
where
I'm
just
miserable
and
crushed
all
the
time
and
can't
help
myself
no
matter
what.
I
don't
know.
I'm
mildly
depressed
lately
and
I
don't
know
how
to
fix
it.
There's
no
one
I
can
talk
to,
just
me.
|
|
