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I need something to look forward to.
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By:
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maryanne
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Mood:
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Sad
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Date:
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Jun 19, 2012
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Music:
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None
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I
seem
to
have
lost
the
ability
to
find
happiness
anywhere.
I
wake
up
every
day
and
wish
I
hadn't.
Between
the
OCD
and
depression,
I
just
can't
seem
to
get
over
the
wall.
Today
is
the
dreaded
"bathroom
cleaning
day".
Yep,
you
guessed
it
-
I
spend
hours
cleaning
in
the
bathroom.
I
have,
Thank
God,
gotten
my
shower,
which
is
a
whole
other
OCD
ritual.
It's
hot
and
sticky
here
and
my
husband
will
be
leaving
to
go
do
good
works
at
church
in
about
an
hour.
I
should
get
started
on
the
bathroom
now,
but
somehow
it
is
easier
when
he
leaves.
Maybe
I
just
force
myself
to
do
it
once
he's
gone.
I'm
the
only
family
my
son
has
that
he
has
anything
to
do
with
and
he
would
miss
me
if
I
weren't
around.
He's
42
years
old
and
an
only
child.
His
father
died
of
alcoholism
about
6
years
ago.
I
come
from
a
big
family,
but
David
has
no
desire
to
be
in
communication
with
them.
They
have
always
pretty
much
treated
me
and
him
like
second-class
citizens
so
he
just
refuses
to
have
anything
to
do
with
them.
I
know
all
the
stuff
I
should
be
grateful
for,
and
I
am.
I
can
take
care
of
myself
physically
and
we
aren't
poor.
I
have
a
husband
who
loves
me
as
much
as
anyone
can.
My
son
is
healthy
and
doing
okay
on
his
own.
I
don't
understand
why
I
can't
get
out
of
this
terrible
fog
I've
found
myself
in
and
enjoy
life.
I
try
-
I
really
do.
My
medication
doesn't
seem
to
help
anymore.
Nothing
seems
to
help
anymore.
I
feel
selfish
for
being
this
way,
but
as
much
and
as
hard
as
I
try,
I
can't
change
it.
Maybe
some
comfort
food?
A
little
ice
cream
might
go
a
long
way
about
now.
I'll
regret
it
later,
but
I
need
a
"quick
fix".
Maybe
just
a
pep
talk
would
help.
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