Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

On March 23, 1973, I was watching a made-for-television adaptation of Tom Sawyer. Like flipping a switch, I stepped into the world of chronic anxiety while sitting on the couch. I remember how strange I felt. My head was buzzing. I felt like I was trembling, but apparently, nobody noticed anything unusual about me. I kept this new companion under wraps until I met my husband in 1990.

It took an issue of Newsweek to turn my anxiety into full blown OCD. Upon reading a movie review of The Exorcist, I developed scupulosity. I worried day and night that my family would become possessed by the devil, and that as a mere mortal, I could do nothing to help them. I also had inappropriate sexual thoughts which made matters worse.

When I left for college, my OCD began to subside. Because part of my obsession was tied to a particular spot in my bedroom, I was relieved of the burden by living in a dorm room. I began to sleep again. For the first time in seven years, I could sleep 8+ hours.

I was mainly cured of my scrupulous thoughts by changing my view of God. I was raised Roman Catholic, and I knew if I were to get better I would have to change my thinking. I have been on an incredible spiritual journey for many years now. I've learned so much, yet I know I know so little.

When I turned 30, my life went to hell. I was diagnosed with endometriosis, uterine fibroids and ovarian cysts. I took two surgeries to take my reproductive system apart and put it back together. The surgeries were surmountable, but my six month stint on Lupron injections sent me in a state of obsessive suicidal thoughts.

I slowly fell into major depression which robbed me of my job, my health and several years of my life. After seeing two psychiatrists and taking every anti-depressant known to man, I was finally diagnosed with OCD. It would be another seven years before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type II.

I've been pretty level since 2003. I take Lamictal and Risperdal for bipolar; clonezepam and sertraline for the OCD. I still have obsessive thoughts, though, but I recognize them as harmless and do my best to march on.

While my thoughts are pretty much under control, my counting rituals severely impact my daily life. They make it almost impossible for me to read a book, and I find occasionally it will intrude during movies or music when I begin counting words and syllables. I was able to combat my counting when I was in college and graduate school. Unfortunately, I have lost the ability to control it. I cannot remember the last time I read a novel.

I have joined the Tribe to find some peace. To know I'm not alone in this world. To know if the day comes when I lose it, I will have a place to come to for help. In the meantime, I am enjoying making friends and offering comforting words here and there.

Cats, Daily Show, Colbert Report, David Letterman, Pacific Northwest, Alaska, British Columbia, mountain meadows full of wildflowers, Rialto Beach, great blue herons, sea spray, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Metropolitan Museum of Art, Museum of Modern Art, Art Institute of Chicago, theatre (not musicals!), Diet Coke, Oreos, pepperoni pizza, a good thunderstorm, my iMac and iPod, Barack Obama

Mean people, the fact that I don't live in the Pacific Northwest, noisy motorcycles, people who throw their cigarette butts out of the car window, potholes, broccoli, $4.19/gallon gasoline, W, people who abuse animals, tomatoes

R.E.M., U2, Nirvana, Heart, Cheap Trick, Madonna, Ella Fitzgerald, Ben Webster, Bill Evans, Rhapsody in Blue, Sonny Rollins, B 52s, Aretha Franklin, Beatles, Franz Ferdinand, Clash, Ramones, White Stripes, Nine Inch Nails, Tony Bennett, Mozart, Philip Glass, Orff's Carmina Burana, Bobby "Blue" Bland, Muddy Waters, Al Green, doo wop, Wilson Pickett, opera,

Color Purple, anything by David Sedaris, travel guides to any part of the world!, Into Thin Air, Catch-22, Slaughterhouse Five, Poisonwood Bible, anything by MattTaibbi

Raising Arizona, No Country for Old Men, School for Scandal, Sex in the City

Internet news junkie, professional insomniac, planning parties, cat wrangling

Scrupulosity and Me	Democrats with OCD
	Animal lovers with OCD