Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Hi,my name is Jasper.I am 18 and live in Kent UK.
I have suffered from OCD basically all my life starting by rocking myself to sleep as a baby which I still occasionally do.It then manifested itself into much worse by the age of 8 when I would have to touch certain things a certain amount of times and if I did not I convinced myself all Hell would break loose.At this point I would just cry myself to sleep because I felt too paranoid to tell my parents what was going on,I felt possessed.Getting to the age of 13 started the thoughts.These involved obssessive thoughts of over the top sadistic violence.A lot of it involved knives and hacking people to death.
It could just be a friend making a comment on my appearance and I would get a nasty feeling in my
stomach and think of killing them in horrible ways.There just was not a way of supressing these thoughts so every day I would get up for school and cry in the shower thinking about another day of unbearable torture.At school I walked out on most lessons to get away from people I thought I would try to kill.There was one time time I was with a friend fishing down a river and I nearly broke down because I had this great thought about drowning him and using his flesh as fishing bait.There is so much other stuff to tell about myself and my never ending depression but I don't want to put people off from talking to me.
At the moment I am just drinking alchahol and smoking ridiculous amounts of weed just to get away from a life that I hate.
Sound really nice,don't I ?

Life without OCD.

Dishonest people.

Lots of various types.

True Crime,Philosophy and Spirituality Books.

Old and new gangster flicks,Asia extreme and World cinema films.

To involved in self-pity to try new things.